Just give me the pain that I'm used to!

My body is slowly but steady killing me. Not any romanticism around that, just hard facts of how I feel. From the moment I went up this morning, it has just gotten more worse for every second. No, I can't take painkillers, they would only make me an addict in the end, and I don't need that too. First off all, I have to repeat that I don't pity myself or don't want any mercy. Writing is therapeutic and I don't think about it afterwards, until it's reappearing again. But in all other states, I'm so fine that I can't believe my eyes, I could actually cry and still smiling... Hit me hard someone? Haha!

Death by a Hamburger by David LaChapelle
I hope my death will be as sophisticated...

Love
/Anna

Lovely little pieces of art...

Waking up with aches all around in your body, isn't the nicest thing you can imagine. I hate it, so I'm not surprised that I'm sometimes doesn't feel like going out. Nevermind, now I'm sitting and looking around on internet, to see if I can find something beautiful too look at. Here are some lovely pictures, I've found!






Love
/Anna

Moodswings, me?

It's kind of interesting how you can switch your moods without controlling it, upside down, inside out, throwing all your emotions on the floor - with the feeling of emptiness, left with nothing. Alone. People who don't have this, can't even imagine how it is. When you're down - in my case, I'd rather have a big tumour than have the feelings I feel. When you're up - you are invincible, nothing can take you down. Both of these conditions leave you empty, cause you take every second to endure yourself. Nothing is for granted, it's tormenting you. You have no idea, until you've had it. I just needed to write myself off.

/Anna

All the white horses are still in bed, I tell you that I'll always want you near, You say that things change my dear...

This morning when I went out, the air was so crisp, and all I could see was frosty grounds, trees and it was shimmering and I just took a deep breath and just embraced the moment, this tiny moment that made my day. All my life I've struggled with every season, now it's just wonderful... Some sort a peace of mind maybe? I just know that I loved walking outside this morning, just living, breathing and looking. Truly, my friends, I'm like a little child on christmas, cause it's to wonderful! I'm experiencing all these things again, with totally open eyes! Now I'm waiting 'til midwinter and I'm just are...


Xx
/Anna

Joy + aches = What?

My body is on strike, and my head is not under, I don't know. No, I know, this isn't a ultimate combination, that is the only damn thing I'm sure off right now. How do you live with a body that does as it want's, not as I want it. I have two diseases, that I'm neither in control of... Hey, it's life, I don't pity myself, it's not in my nature. Of course it's gonna be better later on, I'm not bitter yet, thank you! And I'm happy that I don't have to struggle with more than my body. And yes, Lady Gagas new songs, I love them, enough said!



Love
/Anna

I'm in the beginning of going slightly mad...

I'm driving myself crazy over things that are not so damn important as I might think they are (just for instance)... Yesterday, me and my mum went to pick up lots of fabrics, wool, cotton and all kinds of other things! Nice for making dresses, skirts, jackets, pants (whatever you like really). But I won't sew a single thing until my body is somewhat back to the original figure, here we go! So I'm standing on the balance board and also the ball I use for some pilates exercises, it's good. And I'm only getting started!




Xx
/Anna

Inbetween...

I'm bored to death - give me something, anything that makes me feel something more than bored. A lot has happened, I can today go into a shop without feeling that I have to buy to feel comfortable in myself. I know that it's gonna come back, but now it's blown out of the window. How do people survive a ordinary day, that includes nothing. I hate this state, not good nor bad, a thing inbetween. Plain, straight boring! I know that in about an hour it will be different, so maybe complaining isn't the right thing here...

/Anna

Funny christmas memories...

If it's one thing here in Sweden during the Christmas time that brings up lots of memories to almost everyone, is the calenders that we each day opens and either watch a episode on tv or listen to on the radio, there are two different each year. It's usually the tv for most of us (I think)... As we count the way down to the 24th of December when we celebrate Christmas eve. One of the best shows ever that's been on tv, was and still is Sunes Jul, it's hilarious - I laugh so hard that I could start crying! It was made in the beginning of the 90's and is the best off showing how things might be here, chaotic, funny and all above and under...? To watch and understand this, you have to know swedish, so this is to all of you who just want to watch the best Christmas entertainment ever! Enjoy! These memories are a sweet bliss!



The countdown begins 1st of December!
/Anna

McQueen's Plato's Atlantis!

Alexander McQueen is, amazing, he just pulls out more and more of lovely, strange creations from his sleeve... Than I ever imagined that he would, the shoes are ridiculous, funny and strangely formed, but I loove them! He is just too talented, stepping up for each collections that he does. No wonder why he's rising further and further as one of the most innovative designers that's out there.

I want those blue shoes, I looove them, true and pure art!

Photos taken from Style, go take a look, I can promise you, that you won't get disappointed!

Xx
/Anna

When art is more than fantastic art.

Occasionally you find things that just appeals to you, in most of mine cases it's photographers and stylists, and of course designers that I find and tend to enjoy so much that I just burst out and want to share with everyone that stops by here, to see these amazing people who left you speechless, none the less, you might find so many words for it, that you don't know were to begin. I found a photographer called Eugenio Recuenco, who I've stumbled over before, not noticing the wonderful work he does, here are some samples! This is something between fantastic/wonderful/morbid/fantasy...





Love
/Anna

How do you avoid a major meltdown and still stand?

It seems like time really is running away, as for now, I could climb any mountain - but by instinct, I don't... I know better today, I know I'll stumble down as soon as I smashed myself into bits during the crash into reality, is there any way that I can learn how to live without this, not falling down every damn time as soon as I start reaching too high, cause I'm the one pushing me over the edge as it comes closer. I try to work hard but not as hard that I crash into bits. How do I keep myself from the major meltdowns, and just have ordinary ones? In straight outlines; How do I pull myself to the top without killing myself? I'm wondering... How do you live with something that's controlling you and you can't do shit? But on the bright side, that's a part of my life, I'm enjoying it finally! And that dear friends isn't something that I would've said for a year ago.

Love
/Anna

I want your ugly, I want your disease, I want your everything, As long as it’s free, I want your love...

Can anyone of todays born performers, that's come these 10 past years do it as good as Lady Gaga does it? In my opinion no, not a single one is so much an entertainer that she is. She provokes, makes us gasp, laugh and question - she does everything, sometime a little bit too much, bu I love that! Cause the girl has one of the most talented gift I've seen since the beginning of 2000. I can really listen to pop again because of her!

She's more than a musician - she's an entertainer, and I think she's here to stay!

This is from American Music awards,
where she performs Bad Romance/Speechless

Love and romance
/Anna

Hard Candy!

These are the finals from the amazing photographer Nina Holma, that I did a while ago. It's from the graphical shoot, lovely pictures, I'll tell you! So enjoy and have a wonderful day, as always it's better that they will speak, than me! Hope you will find them as interesting as I do!





Photography by Nina Holma
Fashion by Anna Hassan - Reza
Make up by Elva Ahlbin
Hair by Hanse Andersson
Models Niousha and Cornelia provided by Elite Model Management
Photographer assistant Patric Rillver
Location James and Perras studio

Love
/Anna

Does anybody know what we are living for?

For 18 years ago, in my opinion the worlds best rock singer, died. He was astonishing, a true innovative, lover of life, singer of songs, he was everything and a bit more - I'm left without word. The show had never begun without him and his fellow bandmates... A true entertainer, who left us with the most amazing songs ever - I just wish he had lived longer.

Freddie Mercury - forever in our hearts...

Love
/Anna

How well do you know life?

What do you do when you can't get something because of physical condition, not the mind, cause that's fine. After fighting against everything, that's constantly surrounded me, do I have the right to lay myself on the ground - not going to stand up. I have a will, a free will - that none can take away from me. But what happens when people start to interrupt you? Do people actually have the right to tell someone right from wrong? Never mind, I just had to get this off my chest.


It's my life, my choices, my ways, not anybody else.

/Anna

Acceptance or...?

All those little words, doesn't seem to matter anymore. When words lost their meaning, what do we have left? The empty part of me is struggling and the part that's so full it's about to burst is somewhat lost yet very present. I'm trying to find the part that keeps me going without any idea of what I'm looking for. What do you do, when you realise that this is something that you can't runaway from. You have to accept. Acceptance is one thing, everything else is another. How do you tell the difference when you don't have a reason to Why? I don't have the why, so why do I keep searching for a thing that can't exist in my world?


/Anna

Time is liquid fluid with emotions.

I look around, only to find myself somewhat lost between yesterday and tomorrow, I've always tend to think that there's always been a reason for my despair and my agony, but today I'm just standing here accepting the gap and don't ask why, cause there isn't a single word that can fill out my wonders. I just accept it. It's a part of my life, I don't have an answer to why, so instead of running away from it, and hiding under something to make it pass - I just let it be. Like so many other things, I just let them slip by or away, cause I don't have the time to be bothered by it. Time is a very fluid presences and something we might not be able to touch - it just is. Nobody knows what life brings with you, but that's the excitement with it.


/Anna

Foodscape lands!

You just have to take a look at a photographer called Carl Warner, he's brilliant! You have to see the pictures to understand, so I'll just post them and you can take a look, cause as I always say, it's better for them to speak to you, then for me to speak for them...





Now I'm gonna listen to Stevie Nicks, and forget about everything.

Xx
/Anna

I'm in the garden...

I have for all my life wanted to live in an apartment, but sometimes - small glimpses of having a house with a big garden strucks me. But I don't want a very special garden, a big, gigantic wonderful garden and those you can find all over Great Britain, but specific in England. I'm a little bit to conflicted in my feelings towards having a house, I need the pulse of a big town, with all that comes with it. But an english mansion wouldn't be wrong... I want a secret garden, as lovely as it can be...






So I might put on The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett, tonight...
/Anna

On my own, The world is full of happiness that I have never known...

I've said it before, and I will probably going to repeat this many times in the future, memories, the things that may dwell in the dark and light up your entire presence just to keep you looking forward. Reading old things brings up mixed memories, but they are there to have some sort of purpose. Listening to music that brings you back, is mortifying and wonderful.


Some people say that the people around us have mould us to become who we are, I do think that's only is a little part. I think I've mould myself into the person I'm becoming, of course some humans around me has had an impact, but it is mostly you and the determination of what you want to be, become and evolve into - that is the biggest transformation. You are the only one that have the experience that make you - you. The fights you've have taken, and the battles you've lost. And those battles is inside not with the ones around you. My biggest battles is within, and I have big ones coming my way. But that doesn't mean that the ones I've had around me hasn't been a fortune. But I'm on my own, with the people just around me, not having to fight my battles any more - I'm the one fighting.

/Anna