When it gets too much...

Okey - next week I'm back to see my doctor (again). And I'm not giving up, so back to her and to do all kinds of tests. Nevermind, I'm not bitter, am I, not yet at least? I'm just sick of being sick - all the time! I know for the fact that I have two conditions that never will disappear, and if someone could figure out what the probably, bloody last thing is for now, I would be able to live my life, just a little bit more... Yes, I'm cynical, bittersweet and bipolar. If I didn't eat ok (normally) and didn't know what and how to do things, then you could judge me, for all the worth you have. I just have to burst out some of this, I'm totally fine now, but all these upside downs, is just a little bit too much...

/Anna

I'm dying, I'm dying!

I'm sick today, I do not have any strength in me at all. I'm sour as a human can be. I really have to take care of myself... Hm, I think everything will work out fine with Arvika, and I'll be travelling with some fun and crazy people. I know I'll be well then. But today is living hell.


And just to let everybody know, do not never underestimate that you can drink water, it's a blessing! Because when you can't drink it all the time, it's a curse.

Xx
/Anna

Faster kills faster, kills pussycat...

I can't belive my eyes when I see what I write about and what I don't even want to write about anymore. A lot of times I've used this blog as a loading central, where I can ventilate all my feelings, everything that bothers me and to be just an emotional slut. Nothing else. I wonder what's really happened to me the last couple of weeks, maybe we can call it months (but for my part that's a little bit too early). I was broken, I still am, but somehow I seem to not be concentrating at those things in particular anymore. I know I've dealt with tons of stuff in here but one thing is for sure, I don't write about it. I will write about it again, but not today.


I wish for real that my tooth would stop aching, it's disturbing, in a way I really don't like. I have to use this discusting thing in my mouth two times a day, so that my tooth is going to be alright, it isn't a sickness, it's my wisdomteeth that grows way to slow for me.
Ohh, I need to go shopping and to buy some new things, but I don't know exactly what right now, we'll see...



xo xo
Ciao!

Frankly, my dear, I just don't give a damn!

I'm still sick and it itches and scratches on my body. I'm sure it will pass away in a couple of days but for now I'm feeling as good as dead. It's not so fun... When your head is like a mashed potatoe it isn't the best time to be happy with yourself, cause of my illness I haven't been able to workout, which is fatal to my body right now. I need to loose a few pounds, it's not what you think it is. I won't go into that now, it seems that everytime I talk about stuff like that it gets misunderstood and, that is something I don't want. But I can't wait until I can get out and run I really love it. It unleashes endorphines and is just a wonderful thing to do.


I'm thinking about looking at a movie or do something that will cheer me up, frankly nothing do that to me when I'm sick. I hate that, I'm not feeling bad or anything I just feel down in my body, no strentgh at all, maybe that's the thing, on why I feel down, I do not have the strength to do the things I would usually do. Haha! As simple as that. I'm gonna look at something now, so my mind will be somewhere else.

Hm, Silence of The Lambs? I do love it.

Maybe Pride and Prejudice? My all time favorite!

xo xo
Ciao!

For some reason I can't explain, Once you go there was never, never an honest word, That was when I ruled the world...

I'm home, feeling quite ill and have a stomache that aches, not so funny. I'm not in the mood at all today, I try to calm myself telling my head it will blow over, but the last couple of weeks has been all about aches and sickness and a lot of other dysfunctional things about my body. No, I don't feel mentally ill, physically ill is the one thing here. I am not happy about that at all. But my mind is clear even though that I feel like a thousands needles are in there.


I think I'm gonna watch the Lionking, cry a little - just because I love it so much. Maybe call my doctor and get a appointment to see her and to get in touch with a physical therapist, that maybe will work out my problems with my body and I also want to go to a dietist, I'm cleaning out everything now. Nothing will ever be the same. But we will start small, that's probably the sanest idea I've had so far.



Yeah, I bought two pair of new shoes today also. I know I'm crazy, but I'm in love with them... And in another pair as well too. We'll see what happens... I'll probably buy them too.

I love to wear color although black never goes out of style.

These ones are just for ordinary days, wedges work so well then for me.

These one is the ones I'm dying to have! I loooove 'em!

xo xo
Ciao!

Is it cause you don't mean it, or cause I don't feel it?

It feels like I have tons of things to do, but it's okey for me... No, not really, I'm sick and I have a soar throat, which by all means it isn't so pleasant to be with me when I have my ups and downs (it's never pleasant to be with me when I have them). But hey, you know what - it is life, you may hate it or love it, but it is what it is. I'm getting bored so please cheer me up! I need to laugh and feel not so mashed up in my head as you all may know that you do when you have a idiotic cold.


I'm thinking about order some things home, I need stuff like Elizabeth Ardens' Eight Hour Cream, some new styling products for my hair and a new hair straightener, I also need a new peeling from Lancôme and a lot more things... I've decided to take care of my own body and I can't think of a better time than now... A healhty lifestyle is the key also, I've realised it from stop eating a bunch of crap that I always ate before...




xo xo
Ciao!

Your own personal jesus!

I just get worse and worse for every minute that goes by, yesterday I wasn't half as bad as I am now - that's disturbing. I really do hate it. I don't feel well at all, my throat aches and I have a really bad cold now, I'm just hoping it gets better and that I don't need to call my doctor to get some medication... I really don't know how that would work. But it will work out fine, I'm just so tired again and that's another thing I don't like. I always become tired when I am sick. So I think that I will take it very easy these days...


I have so many concerts that I'm going to this year, I will take them in order - AC/DC, Metallica, Jean Michel Jarre, Depeche Mode (and a lot of other bands at Arvika) and of course, Madonna! And the autumns concerts aren't even planned yet, we will see what that brings... But for now I'm accutally quite happy for the experiences that I will have! But - yes, there's a but. I will never ever see Queen and the real installation... That breaks my heart...

xo xo
Ciao!

Kiss, Kiss, Gonna tell you right now, I'll make it sweet on your lips...

I'm home again after being away for a couple of days. I got to see a lot of wonderful people these days, so lots of love to all of you for shining up my days, but not everyone I wanted to meet. But there was no time and this trip was planned in somewhere in the beginning of last week, so it was short notice, but hey, that's life. You can't always have the best preperation, some things are just spontaneously and it just happens! I will come back and I will visit everyone! But maybe when it has become spring and it's a little bit warmer in the air, oh you should just know how cold I am. I am for real freezing my fucking butt off - and I do not enjoy a single bit of it. I do hate it when it's cold. But I do love it when it's snow on the ground, it's just the cold I have a problem with...




I am now going to take a shower, look at some series, I need SATC right now and take care of my body, as I told you I do not like it when it's cold, because I always get a cold and I cough alot when it gets bad, it hasn't come to that point yet, but still... I don't like having a cold - it mess my brain up more than it should be. Aaah, I don't have the time for being sick. So a warm shower, peeling my body and just taking care of myself tonight is the thing - and look at SATC. That's love!


And I got some disburbing news from my doctor - but I never felt better or happier, I'm just climbing, so there's a dilemma there, I feel so much better, but it can if I think in a long term, have some damage on my body... Well we'll see what happens. Keep your fingers crossed.

xo xo
Ciao!