Tonight I will read cookbooks and French Women's secrets to everything, lovely things to do a warm summernight! I have to start do all those things that been lost somehow... How come that you one day want to drown yourself and die and the next week live for all that's worth! How wonderful or morbid (if you might think so) is that? I love and hate it. At least I'm learning to accept it, that's a start. And to live life even though it might kill you on the way, at least you lived.