Monday, June 29, 2009

Come with me, Into the trees, We'll lay on the grass, And let the hours pass, Take my hand, Come back to the land, Let's get away, Just for one day!

Tomorrow at 9 in the morning I'll leave Stockholm for one week, I will not be sitting here - I'll be at the Arvika festival, hopefully surviving the hot summer days... As always I'm freaked out right now, cause I don't know how to pack my things, I do, but I panic every time... Lovely! But 6 days of magic, fantastic music, funny drunk people and living in a tent, it'll be amazing! I will update when I get home. So I hope all of you have wonderful days, cause I will!

Some of the artist that are coming to Arvika this year!

Lots of sparkles and love!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Sorrow has a human heart, From my god it will depart, I'd sail before a thousand moons, Never finding where to go...

Today is both a good day and a bad. The good part is that it's my brothers birthday and he's turning 20, woho! That's the age here in Sweden when you can legally buy alcohol, yeay or something! The bad thing is that it's my grandma's passing day. 5 years today and I'm in grief of that fact. So today is both a cheerful and a dull day.

This is my brother and me when we were little kids, he's only a few days old and I'm soon to be three years, I loved him very much then and even more now.

But I'm celebrating my brother today and that is fun. Sorrow never goes away but it's get manageable.


Saturday, June 27, 2009

Who wants to live forever? Who dares to live forever? When love must die...

I could and would give my life to see these people (in the real constellation)
Queen: Do I need to say anything at all, really?
Pink Floyd: Cause what they did to rock and how soothing their music is.
Johnny Cash: Doesn't need to explain why here either.
Jimi Hendrix: No explanation needed.

Why wasn't I born in the early 50ties? Cause I think I missed out on to much. The biggest names ever are soon gone, and they have already begun, or they die young. But some of them, I still have a chance to see...

And yes, today, during this fine weather - I'm doing laundry, fun fun fun! Have I told you that I hate doing that when I don't have really much to do. It useless to do laundry more than 1 - 2 times a month, if you're me, it wastes energy and water.


Friday, June 26, 2009

It doesn't matter if you're black or white!

I'm not going to say too much today, a great musician and artist has passed away. I always loved the way he sang, how he always were ahead of his time, the way he danced and did the moonwalk. I truly admire him still. I think I'll never stop that either, he is someone that truly can call himself King of Pop. And no, I don't care about the things people accused him off, he was great as an artist. He is a cultural phenomenon and he's always gonna be present, cause of his music.

I'll give you a song, that I love and hope you like it. It's the whole superbowl performance - and he knows how to do it.

R.I.P Michael Jackson 1958 - 2009

I've decided to also share an opinion, cause that's what's a blog's about. I don't like people who trash talk other people. I have a no tolerance for that. So that throw dirt on people who are dead aren't that nice, would you like that someone would do that on you? I think it's a low state of mind. Don't you respect them at least that much? Michael Jackson was crazy, yes - but frankly darlings, anyone that is smart enough to make music like he did, and be creative is mad, just look at Dali or Van Gogh. You have in one way or another been touched by his music, cause who hasn't danced to Smooth Criminal, Thriller, Beat It, who hasn't felt that They Don't Care About Us is a good tune to listen to when you want justice, or Give In To Me is a love song or maybe I Want You Back is something when you've ended a relationship? We all have our own way to listen and take in. Before you judge a person, judge yourself and do not say those things to people that you wouldn't say to yourself or the ones you really love.

Sincerely yours.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Kicking around in a piece of ground, In your hometown....

Listening to Pink Floyd, brings me back to my childhood. My mother introduced me to them when I was just a little girl, and they've been with me ever since then. Imagine your life without one of it's key ingredients, because Pink Floyd has that impact while just hear one or two songs. Sometimes I've listened to them in agony, when I've been mad, or calm, angry and all other steps of the path. They've always been there, like they don't have anywhere to be. I couldn't believe that I can listen to some of this stuff today and don't feel any anxiety. It's strange, some things in life always seems to give you panic other transform into something unusual for you and when you last expect it - it pops up alive, like nothings ever happened.

I can't believe people who say music has no impact on them, I just can't. Music (not the one to commercial without a singers heart behind) is something that is always there... Cause of all the different genres in music, I think it's for everyone. You can express so freaking much with words, but putting a melody with it makes it more, larger... Some music is larger than life, it's larger than what ever was made possible. Some things we say live forever, I say music is the one thing that will live forever and ever.

Lot of music is with me, but the key ones are and I think will be, Queen, Pink Floyd, Jean Michel Jarre, Madonna, Leonard Cohen and Mike Oldfield and all the others that becomes more special to me for every day that goes by - cause of the musical geniuses they were and some still are.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Somthing hallucinogen, but without taking anything...

The most scary things since television began childrenshows... Is these two things... Teletubbies (I used to think they were kind of cute, but no) and In the Night Garden. I remember when everybody thought Ika i Rutan was scary... This shit, is like been made of people who just are on a trip while they do it. Do it sound scary? You bet it is. It seems harmless on the pictures, but it is not.

Teletubbies, have an baby as a sun that is laughing in a quite maniatic way and In the Night Garden, it's like you're hallucinating. I don't know how the people selects this scary shit, but it's like just being pushed into mental illness.. And I'm not joking about that. They have all that screams: Oh, please get me out of here!

...and do what exactly in the garden?

Thank god for some shows that were normal, in a realtive perspective...
And thank you Disney! Even if those to scare people.

Sincerely a scarred woman namned Anna

Only the Beginning of the Adventure!

I can't eat proper meals just yet, but I'm coming... Slowly. It's like my stomache sais no, bigtime, I don't know how else I would cope with this... I just eat what I can, and don't bother... You have to do the best for you, nothing else. If this means me feeling better the next week, it's all worth it, cause next week I'll be gone. If I'm nuts for going, oh, yes of course. But will it be fun? Absolutely!

It's like I've been locked inside a chest and are finially ready to breath and to feel secure in my own footsteps, I think the big challenge I was up against is now gone, I breath, feel and live with all of me. Nothing is numb, or packed away in boxes or trunks. It's not you and me anymore, it's me. And if that makes me the most selfish and selfabsorbed person here, well people, deal with me or leave me be. I'm beinning the adventure of my life, and I'm certain that it won't be boring, grey or numb or anything less than colorful, wonderful, vivid, magical, and absolutely faboulos.


Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It matters where the heart begins...

I just want to tell everyone in the whole wide world, how I feel about me, myself and I. I'm prefectly fine. I've never been so aware of life and so full of it and enjoying it at the same time. I have a whole lifetime to catchup on, and it wasn't easy to get here, but I'm here. I'm here to stay, to live, to breath and I'm not afraid. It's like I don't need to carry anything else than me. I didn't in my wildest imagination belive that I was going to be happy ever, but here I am. What's not worth fighting for usually isn't, don't fight just because you think it's the right thing. Only fight when you can win. But do not never surrender, cause life is life - and it's wonderful, with everything that comes along. But who said everything was going to be easy? It's as easy as you want or make it...


I'm not going down on my knees, Begging you to adore me...

I often read magazines about how to get the jobs I require and want to do. Like style big creative fashion adverts, or something else for magazines. Because then you can go completley mad and do whatever you feel like and you have the money. But it is smart to know how to handle a small budget to. To just pick out the right key things in an editoral shoot. It's sometimes quite hard and you put your own creative mind at an edge, sometimes everything isn't calculated in the right terms. But I wouldn't want to be without it. I'll have to find out what exactly I want to do with all of this, cause I can't shut it down... I just need to find out a little bit more about me.

And yeah, today something happened to our computer, or should I say screen again, cause it's much more the screen than the computer? I hate when this shit happens, it's not supposed to! Just the lack of electricity not flowing to it, makes a great example for these kind of things. Let's hope it get's better. I'm hoping, cause I can't be without a computer this coming week, next week I won't be home, but hopefully it won't let me down again!


Monday, June 22, 2009

Yes, you can can can!

This is something that makes my mouth lighten up, it's fun, hilarious and so wonderful from that time. I think this is filmed around 1940, but these type of things begun long before that and I love it everytime I watch it... Yes you can can!


Black Celebration, I'll drink to that, Black Celebration, Tonight...

It's only a matter of days until we're off, the thing is that I haven't packed anything. I haven't even bought all the stuff that I need. I need this things, and how much don't we hope that the weather keeps being great. I hate it when it rains. I'm just saying. This was me during Arvika 2007, oh, I'm going back to that body and belive it or not, I'm on my way...


Ginger, anyone?

Today I'm feeling much better, but it seems that I'm unable to eat anything, sorry to say. So I'm going to boil myself ginger tea, so strong, it feels like it's burning yourself inside out... But the taste is magical and you accutally feel it work, I just want you to know that it's good for your digestion too, maybe that's why you need to eat ginger in every diet your on... Maybe, don't know.

It now seems that all the strings are attached to each other and we're going. It'll be a funny, happy crowd of guys I'll travel to Arvika with, in a car on the 30th of june. And we'll be heading back to civillazation on the 5th of july. I'm in for a treat, I know that for sure. Depeche, Röyksopp, NIN, KoRn, and always something else. But I'm aiming for those four and if I see more than them I'll be happy.


Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm dying, I'm dying!

I'm sick today, I do not have any strength in me at all. I'm sour as a human can be. I really have to take care of myself... Hm, I think everything will work out fine with Arvika, and I'll be travelling with some fun and crazy people. I know I'll be well then. But today is living hell.

And just to let everybody know, do not never underestimate that you can drink water, it's a blessing! Because when you can't drink it all the time, it's a curse.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Realtime punishment just by looking!

It's like punishment when you want something and you can afford it, but you don't have the fucking place to have it. Okey, now we're only talking about shoes, but I can't get anything else to fit in my shoe wardrobe, unless I start by selling off things - horror of horrors - is there some reality in what I'm saying? Am I the one, who's a collector (sometimes I do tend to belive that my shoes will be worth something more than just a threshold memory for me), going to sell my shoes? Oh, for heavens sake, people. I can't sell my shoes. It's just to radical to think that, but if I were to think logical about selling them I would profit from it. Not all of them has a sentementual value for me, and by that I mean very few.

I really like that they're yellow! <3


Many miles, Many roads, I have travelled, Falling down on the way, Many hearts, Many years have unravelled, Leading up to today...

I'm gonna start something that's called Mediterranean Diet, of course there's no such real thing, it's just a way of eating healthy and living well, lots and lots of fruits and veggies, I love those with lots of colors. I have to cut out about all red meat I eat and just eat lamb (it's lighter to eat), chicken, turkey and fish, the last one is something I'm dreading for. I hate fish, I get cramps in my stomach when I eat it. So how the hell am I gonna do this? I'll do it my way. I'll eat lots of colorfull veggies when I want something and only eat when I'm supposed to. Fruits and vegetables is the key, and all in small amounts. I'm not gonna eat to much, eat in a reasonable amount and things will be fine.

Another thing I really have to begin with, is to excercise. I'm going to learn pilates and I'm gonna walk about 10 000 steps every day, I know I can't hold it everyday, but I will do my best. I know that I have to control my diet, cause of some pills I'm eating, cause they're not going anywhere for quite some time...

If you all want to know a secret, this is the first time in my whole life that I'm happy, and don't think that I don't deserve it, cause I do. After all these years, I'm me. The one that have everyday issues like anyone, but doesn't have to analyze every thought that cross my mind. I'm still learning, still processing, but I'll do that for the rest of my life, but I will not drag myself through fire and water and up the mountain all day long, while doing it. But I'm still realistic, I know things can happen...


I belive in people lying, I belive in people dying, I belive in people flying, I belive in people crying...

Of course I dreamt about stuff tonight, but not so pleasant things, I'll tell you. I'm just wondering why I'm dreaming about stuff that in a point of veiw isn't that important... But somehow seem to scare the shit out of me, sometimes things are pretty real for me, that I don't know how it haven't happened when I wake up. I'm so asure of that what I'm dreaming is reality that I don't seem to get a grip over that it isn't.

I just found a old favorite song of mine, really lovely one. But quite hard in the lyrics, I can remember why you can get a major anxiety attack listenint to this music without all the distance to it, fortunally I do have this (at least I think that) never the less, it's a lovely song, and Tricky is a master in doing music in a specific way. None the less, I think I'm going out for a walk, I have to loose about 22 lbs or more, for my own sake...


Friday, June 19, 2009

Have a pretty little midsummer night's dream tonight!

Tonight it's Midsummer's Eve, and in title to that you should celebrate, I'm not in the mood right now. I fell asleep around 5. o'clock this morning, I can't sleep, I'm on overdrive... Scary shit I'll tell you. So all I'm gonna do today is to relax and don't run around the big pole we decorare with flowers. I'm also gonna have a perfect midsummer night's dream...


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Could it be better?

It looks like my Arvikafestival is turning out better and better than expected. It really looks like I'm going and with a bunch of happy funny people that I think I'll have great laughs with. Either way, I will enjoy the festival as anyone else. Depeche, NIN, Röyksopp, KoRn, Thåström and you know everything will work out fine. I'll bet something on it, I just don't know what yet.

I know my summer will work out fine, I know so. First Arvika, then U2 and Madonna... I'm missing Coldplay, but I think they will come back another time, or else I'll just go abroad to see them. This will be an interesting summer for me, just to point it out.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

But you don't really care for music, do you?

Why do I have a conscience at all? I will never go back to were I begun, I'm so aware now about to much, I'm aware of life, I'm aware of that I still have time to be alive, so why do I have a conscience for feeling this? It's as simple as this: I feel ashamed of myself when I look at what I have, complaining about it and later see that other people don't have this life at all. Makes you think twice again won't it? If it don't then you should take a look at yourself. Life is pretty simple, yet complex when you begin to dig into it. I just wonder is everybody equals? And I'll never apologize for myself again, but that doesn't mean I don't have a mind...

This would be my life in colors, vivid, instant, bipolar and always happening.

I want lots of creativity and things in my brain right now... So I'll post some things here and hope you'll like it!

Photograph: Paco Peregrín
Stylist: Kattaca


Silent enim leges inter arma.

These days are somewhat "special" to me, very much is happening in the country my father is from, my second country. I don't know that much, only that they have replaced the old "dictator" with the old one, that the regim wants, and not the one which was choosen from the people, and dear friends that's frightening, if I'll tell you anything. They've killed 6 students so far, how far will they go? I just wonder. It's disturbing, cause I have almost half my relatives in Iran. And I'm sorry, really really sorry. But what can one person do? My father told me once when I was radically upset over the regim, that either you take a bullet for your ideals or you shut up and are silent. So are you silent or do you stand up for yourself with your life? This is my own interpretion, from my father, and he lived there. So would you give your life for you ideals?


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Chronologie 2

I think the best things in life are free, but that doesn't mean you can't buy happiness, cause you can do that to. This is wonderful to listen to, just try! Don't knock it til' you've tried it! And all the lasers! Magical! Jean Michel Jarre is a genius, nothing else.


A dress is just a dress right?

I'm a collector, I've always been one and will always be. It's not that I collect anything that is so rare as real Galliano dresses (yet) but when and if I have the money to spend on a Galliano dress, if it's from Dior or him, I wouldn't doubt a second. I should also storage it to make it as fresh as it can be, when I don't wear it. But common how often do you get the chance to wear a authentic Galliano dress and would you really like to ruin it and don't have it well perserved when you get older? I know I would, some of my vintage rarites are in my cold dark cellar, cause that's how you should store it. Everybody knows that. I just wish that I had more space, I'm in need of that.

I dream very strange dreams at the moment, somewhat realistic dreams, and somewhat not, I'm torn into two different sides and I can't decide what's right and what's wrong in my mind.


Monday, June 15, 2009

Nutrition for your head, if you wouldn't mind!

I think that I might even be in love with Kattacas beautiful work of art. It's nothing I've ever seen before and I just want them to give me more of vibrant colors, graphical pictures, fantasy and fashion, I can't belive my eyes when I see what they do and how they work, but as they say: Great minds think alike! And that is true, all down to the bone when it comes to this... Nothing's like the same and they never use an idea twice. I like that. That you always keep exploding... I bet half of you all (execpt those in the industry) don't understand how long this process can take... It's like taking it to different steps each time. Here are some black and white and very graphical type of photos, that's fallen for my taste!

Photography: Paco Peregrín
Stylists: Kattaca


I believe that we can achieve, The love that we need, I believe, call me naive, Love is for free...

I'm hooked on three different songs right know, not neccesarily in different genres, they're quite similiar, like Love etc. by Pet Shop Boys, Living On Video by Tranc - X (the original, so much better) and then you have Omen by Prodigy, and I love them, so fantastic music, everything that is synth or techno right now pleases my ears. Funny, I'm hanging on these tracks in one-two weeks, then I'm hanging on something else... Like soft music, hardrock or celtic or maybe I want to listen to the most unlikely thing for me, all depends in what mood I'm in. All that I care about is that I listen to music that sooths me, myself and I. But I do have a thing for synth and all kinds of electronic music. We'll see what I'll be listening to in one week.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Too much of everything is never enough...

Last night I stayed up late, I read, fairytales, like Peter Pan and Brambly Hedge, I love them. I've always done that. I think I have 3 different layouts for Alice In Wonderland... Can you except anything else? I also have a lot of other children stories, I'm a junkie in that area. I belive that I always will have my own special wonderland, not in a psychotic way, in a pretty and convinient way that I always can go to when I want to travel somewhere else. Like today when it's raining and it's just grey outside. It's nice to just be inside then and take care of yourself. I feel sorry for those who have to be outside, poor things.

I wonder if all people has a price? I think so, and everyone can be bought. It's human nature.
Too much is never enough, even if it means that you dubble the harm you put on people. I'm just saying. Is life really a fairytale or do we need them to escape from reality?


Saturday, June 13, 2009

Is it written in stone or the stars or something else?

I've always wondered how far you would go for the one you love? I really don't know the answer, maybe you could tell me? I runaway everytime love acctually reaches me, maybe not all the time, but I want to be swept under my feet, have it all, the arguments, the tears, the laughter, everything that are included or that I think should be included in my own love story. Do you really know when you meet Mr/Miss. Right? I don't know. Maybe it's not written in stone how this love should be, maybe we have to form it ourselves and make it the best of it. Maybe the one isn't the one we except it to be, maybe it's the one we least of all expect? Is it truth about this: when it comes to love, is it like chess, and if so are we the ones last standing and do we have it black or white? Or is it pre-written for us, to just come and grab it...


Friday, June 12, 2009

Downhearted Baby

I found these beautiful pictures today, from a photographer called Kurt Iswarienko and the shoot was called Downhearted Baby... It's from a magazine called Flaunt and they are a little bit edgy.
I'll post a picture! And I'd love to do something like this, in the mist, looking fabolous, although you shouldn't and it doesn't reallt fit...

The model is actress Alison Lohman - I've never heard of her, but of her looks she's shown here, I have to see something she has done.
Dave Thomas is the stylist, so I'm going to check him out too.

Oh that reminds me, I have to see if Kattaca has something new up, you all know by now, that I'm in love with their witty, wonderful, vivid, lovingly, abstract, graphic, everything yet nothing work!


The writings on the wall, it won't go away, It's an Omen!

Because I got in bed so "late" this morning, around 4 a.m. You can tell that I'm a little bit tired, but I have myself to blame. I just couldn't sleep at all and that is always disturbing, if you say so. I can't rest my head at all for one minute right now, so if I write anything inconvinient now, I'll delete it later :)

As you all know I'm a huge fan of trance, techno and other good clubmusic, so yesterday when I was over at a friends place I got some new music to listen to. He has really good taste in music, really really good. And that he is funny isn't a problem for me neither, he makes me laugh and he isn't afraid of telling me to calm down. Always a big plus. I didn't even know that Prodigy had released a new album, but I love it from what I've heard now. An absolut blast! If everything is like this, I will probably be in love in the end of this summer...


Thursday, June 11, 2009

A famine in your heart, An aching to be free, Can't you see? All love's luxuries, Are here for you and me

Yesterday I accutally bought a maxidress, and as you know by now, that I won't show it yet, I will do it when I feel that I want to... When I got home I looked for others maxidresses, of course on Net-a-Portér, lovely site - but skyhigh prices on the pieces that I want in my wardrobe. But I found some things that I really love... Two bags that I would love to have this season... Sometimes you just know what you want, and there's nothing you can do about it.

This dress is adorable, I want it. The antique style is hip and chic to wear, and the dress is so perfect for the springtime and summer, cause of the lightness, a perfect daytime dress.

This little shoulder bag from Antik Batik is just speaking for itself.

And this big shoulder bag from Paul & Joe, is fab,
if you remove the fringes or maybe keep them, I don't know right now...


Emerald green.

Another goal I have when I've reached my weight that I want to have, is to make a dress, I'm dying to have. I'm not going to make it now, cause it wouldn't fit me as well as I would want to... Just to point out, every dress isn't for everyone. I know I'd love to wear this... It's incredible.
It's simple, wonderful, loving and yet it's something cold over it (in terms of speaking of what color you uses and which skintone you have)... And this dress don't go out of style...


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Either you have style or you do not, there's nothing inbetween.

If I'm about to do what I'm going to, I'm going to do it on good basis. I'm going in with my whole heart on the line, my whole myself, nothing lesser than that. Cause I can work with anything just to make it perfect. I know for sure that I shan't doubt my own style choices and you now what, I won't. I'm gonna be me, when I'm extreme and when I just want to be invinsible, I'll make it happen cause nothing will be halfhearted, never. I do not never go and do something halfhearted. It's not me and never will be.

I don't have principles cause I can't. The dream is to style a major show for Dior with Galliano as my boss.


Now there you go again you say, You want your freedom, Well who am I to keep you down?

For the moment, yes, right now. I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I don't have a clue. I know for sure that I'm just confused but there's something else, nothing big, but it's nagging me. When did I fall so far out of trace? When did I really begin to understand life? Cause I don't know if I've have done that yet. I stay conflicted in my own mind, and as long as it's a short amount off time I'll be fine... Oh, I know it will be short, cause I'm not going to drag myself in the mudd. And I know that it's just a bump in the road. I keep getting better, and I love that I don't have to dig my own grave. Just to be a little melodramatic, haha! I'm fine, but I'm dreaming strange dreams - everything is as it should be in other cases.

Tonight I dreamed about a concert, Jean Michel Jarres, my dreams are sometimes so real that I have no clue if it's really happening or if it's just a dream. It was just a weird night/morning...


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Work it harder, Do it better.

When you reach a certain point, you can't take it anymore. This is it and below on the picture is what I'm going back to, this fitted figure. I feel at my best then. So bye bye, all kinds of unnatural sugar that my body doesn't need and don't eat anything I can't get rid of during the day... I worked on my body when I was a small child, but since my pain syndrome that later became fibromyalgia I haven't been able to, there's no exuses anymore, but I don't want to do it wrong, I want to eat and excercise. So this is something I would prefer, no I demand to get my "old" body shape back. And you bet your asses that I'll get there!


When the sea falls from the shore, As the light sinks low, will I see you any more?

Yesterday I met my beloved Emilia, she was here, so I met up with her, just for about 1 hour, but no one that I know is like this little angel, for me. She has her own uniqeness and I can't imagine a life for sure without her. Sometimes people don't understand us, but the important thing is that we do it. It's comforting that have her by my side, no matter what, in theory...

I'm thinking of beginning to practice pilates, I've said it before, but never with the determenation that I have now, it's also not so hard on my body, so here we go and you just have to work for about 20 minutes. I like being in control of my body and having it for sure that I can do it in the morning and in the evening or anywhere I want to I can do the excercises and that is very good, that makes me think that I can't skip whenever I feel like that. I will give you an update later on how it working... Hopefully very well. Maybe I will try to get myself into meditation to?


Monday, June 08, 2009

Crazy Colors.

I'm gonna post the last photosession, called Crazy Colors, it's amazing. I love it. It's always a joy to work with talented, driven people, who want to accomplish something as close to perfection as it can be... I'm not gonna tell you everything, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.

Photographer: Nina Holma
Stylist: Anna Hassan - Reza (me)
Makeup artist: Elva Ahlbin
Hairstylist: Hanse Andersson
Models: Emma Ö - Synk Models, Carolina S & Linnea A - Elite Model Management Sweden
Photography assistent: Dominic Hedgecock