Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It's sticky and sweet candy again!

Tomorrow I'm getting myself Madonnas Sticky & Sweet Tour on DVD, I love that woman!
And I want to relive all the moments in some sort of way, from last summer!
True love! Aaah, it feels like home!

Candy kisses galore

Aching body and Hell's Kitchen!

I want to have a painless day, that would be nice. A day without me wanting to chop of my body, I repeated this too many times now... But sometimes that's the thing that I have to get of my chest. There's a big problem when this happens, cause I can't do the things I need to do. Well, well... Now I'm gonna look at Top Model then Hell's Kitchen (I love Gordon Ramsay) and try not to kill my body.


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

True love.

My brother is home, playing Guitar Hero. Haha! It's funny to look at, although he thought that I would play along and opposite him, never gonna happen. I really don't have any simultaneous feelings towards that game - it's just messing with my head when I play... But I've never given it any chance either so, maybe I would be better than I'd expect. But who cares really? Both him and my other one is really nice spending time with and looking at. Hehe!

I love my brothers, they're the best in the world.


Monday, March 29, 2010

You've got the love, I need to see me through...

Still one of my favorites, love it! I think that I one day will have that love... Or at least hope I have it. In one way I already does...

Lovely thoughts

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Little sleep, much creativity!

Today I had my first shoot with Daniel Stigefelt, for his examination project. I had a very good day, even though I'd only slept 4 hours. I will upload some pics when I feel I have the energy for it! But this is a very creative project and I feel that I have many things to pull out of my sleeve! I love doing this!

Now I will try to bend my body so it won't hurt as much!


Saturday, March 27, 2010

The rollercoaster of life part I?

This rollercoaster can pleasantly stop now, I'm ready to step off - though it never will. Acceptance, I accept a whole lot of things, but not this rollercoaster right now. It's wearing my heart out. I love my ups, but whenever you feel more comfortable you fall down... There are so many little words that I want to write, but I don't know how. It isn't sunshine all the time, neither is it dull. I'd love to have someone who could tell me that it will all be alright, someone that could just give me a hug. I like that I still can resemblance my life to fashion, it has it's ups and downs, bad and good season. All that you want. I love that my life is a fairytale when I need it, that I can go hide. I love my life, although I hate it like nothing else. And no matter how many times I wish I could step off the rollercoaster, wondering why I'm there... There isn't anyone who can give me a real answer.


Friday, March 26, 2010

Get back up and do it again?

I have to many questions, that not can get or have an answer. How do you struggle with it all? Tell me, cause I would like some guidelines, something more than I have. Life is and will never be fair, to everyone, but I can still make the best of what I got. I said ones, it's not a failure to fall, it's not getting up again that is the failure. I might have to take that thought into consideration again, that things happen, but you get back up and you do it again.

Today I'm meeting my mum and we're going to buy stuff for a shoot this weekend! Yeay!


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Colour, stripes, edgy love.

I need a man, I really do, I want to be in love, with all the butterflies and feelings. But I don't look for anyone, that has never gave me any luck. I do also need to find myself a little bit more and I need to go through my entire wardrobe to see what new stuff I need. Today was a good day, but something is not were it supposed to be. But hey, that's life... But I need new dresses, nice ones to wear at daytime. I found some cute ones...

Pictures from; Net-A-Porter and Asos.


Pop Co, weather and other things...

I really dislike that the weather does at itself want to. Yesterday was sunny, today is dull, my head can't decide what to think or do. So my mood isn't getting so much better, by this swings around everything. It's not as fun to be bright and shiny one second and then wanting to kill yourself. Due to the fact that you doesn't have control. Just altering two moods at the same time is exhausting - not only for me, for all the people around me... But I got myself into town yesterday and got myself a new book, by Scarlett Thomas. Love her books! And that they look interesting is a big plus!

Now, I'm thinking about heading out walking.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A joyful and loving day!

I think about taking myselt outside, being stuck with work to do at home, for my dearest father, haha! I promise you that my children will know how to polish silver, that's going to be a rule! No, but it is quiet nice knowing how to polish the right way, doing it faster and good. And the silver looks so good, when all the oxidations are gone! But today it's a bit sunny outside and a perfect weather to go out and walk around, taking a trip into town... Today my life is beautiful and yet I've just slept 5 hours! It's like everything is just perfect today! Light as a feather and blowing the way the wind moves, so full of love and joy! Oh, my heart is jumping of no reason, that's wonderful, haha!

Wishing love to all of you

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Some words...

What to say? What to do? Get a life seems really like the only solution. So that's what I'm gonna do. I can't be afraid of what will happen, when I'm also afraid of what's not gonna happen. Terrified of them both. I can't run around afraid, when that is not what I am. Cause even these bumps in the road are frightening, so are living a life afraid - that's not even worth mentioning. I love that it's always changing.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Spring soon, hopes?

Some things I long for right now and that I like to lay my eyes on;

Hoping for a real spring soon, that is for sure.
Or at least some settlement in the air...


Sunday, March 21, 2010

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad...

My head is not killing me at the moment, can I say that I hate this now? Anyhow, things will get better and I'm thinking about looking at some feel-good film... But maybe Donnie Darko is a better movie for me today? Who knows...


Saturday, March 20, 2010


My mind is killing me.
It's a storm in there.


Doing something different, leads to?

I'm not a fan of commercials, never was. But sometimes a good commercial comes along, like this one from Absolut Vodka, love it, cause it's artistic, something you wouldn't at the first point expect. I know this is old, but hey, I still like it.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Dry my eyes so you won't know, Dry my eyes so i won't show, I know you're right behind me...

Still one of my favorites, I love it, from beginning til' end. Lykke Li, is true in every word she sings in this song. Just pure and the yearning in this song is just heartbreaking. But I can live with that, I promise! Just don't you let me go tonight...


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Some thoughts in the rollercoaster...

As everyone by this point know, I'm going around in a rollercoaster, haha! But I think that most good things will come out of it. I'm catching up with people and other things, you don't need to know more. The ones involved are there and that's the thing that is important. I love living, and I wouldn't trade anything of this into something else. I've had some of them in my life for more than 8 years and it's been a living ride not of this world.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I need to just dance!

I give you, some sort of "new" picture of me, haha! It's not that new, but it stands for the fact that I want to meet my sweet lady friends of mine and go out clubbing! Maybe have some cocktails also... I need to get out, put my heels on and just dance!

Sparkling kisses

A beginning, an ending, a love, a fight.

This week is just a rollercoaster in my head, but I'm not afraid of it. But this makes me emotional, a trainwreck at some points and the other dancing around without breaking my upstate mind. I can't helt that I get nostalgic, thinking about all those people that's been in your life, I owe them great thanks today. Some of them especially. You can never imagine how it is, if you weren't there. Only those who were, are able to think about it. Maybe today without thinking about sorrow, cause we fought, loved and cherished each other in that chapter of our lifes, I think we still cherish each other - and no matter what, everything wasn't bad, it was everything. And come to think about it, we're still in the beginning only, who knows what comes next?

Lovely thoughts

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

I was aiming for the sky, ended up flat on the ground, But once again the sun is rising, I better keep on walking, Keep on walking...

One of my favourite songs at the moment, is Keep on Walking by Salem Al Fakir. What a wonderful song it is. I just love from the first note to the last. I usually don't look at the swedish competions of Eurovision song contest, but I am just too much in love with this song to not like listening or watching it... Here it is...

I'm gonna keep on walking

Flickering seasons of light...

It's spring outside and I'm trying to find a way that it won't make my mind go nuts - it usually does. Cause it's an unstable season, anytime it can get bad weather, but it also gets lighter and lighter and frankly for my head that's a little too much. I love summer, when it's more stable, of course it flickers to, but not in the same way. As the same with autumn. But I love the seasons, although it always has had a cruelty in the same time for me, but this spring might be different, who knows? But I do now have something I didn't have before... So I might stand and still love the flickering light...

Warm sunlight kisses

Monday, March 15, 2010

I need, want, crave right now!

I want theses so badly, right now! Just walking around in them, or have them standing is a pleasure! True babies and true love...

They're a classic already. Christian Louboutin is a shoegod!


Two sides of a fragile and firm...

Yesterday I wanted to cut my wrists and die ( if I can be a little bit melodramatic), today I'm jumping of joy, loving life and sing along to every song that I can! Ha, I love and hate the fact that I can be that rollercoaster and knowing it, makes it some kind of fun again, in just one day... I bet that I want to kill myself tonight again, haha! For you it might be quite morbid, it's just a ordinary day for me. But I wouldn't be me, this fragile yet very firm mind - if I didn't have all that comes along everyday.

Now I'm gonna do something useful, taking care of all my vintage dresses that are going to be storaged in my basement... So they need thing over them!


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Amicus verus est rara avis...

I have some friends that are more special than others, that are really hard to describe, one of them is her, who came into my life in mid 2002, starstruck me with her words, her beauty and her strength. Believed in me when no one else would, screamed, got angry, laughed and loved through everything we went through. She and I have a very bumpy road that we've been travelled on, still travelling - but always managed to get ourselves together when we went through hell and came back up. It's been a very special relationship with this woman - a relationship that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. We had our fights, our laughs til' we'd start crying and all the endless talking about life, love and what would become of us.

In my opinion we turned out very well, still standing and still in this with more love than we ever would imagined, I am truly blessed of having her as one of my most truly beloved friends.

I love that you love me...

Dreams beats reality?

Bad dreams = not a good nights' sleep. We're not talking about nightmare, just dreams that you can be less fond of, I you would be able to pick. Sometimes your past catch up, there's nothing more to that. But what if it doesn't stop? I've managed to somewhat erase many things from my life - but that doesn't mean it haven't happened. But I really dislike my dreams at the moment, they are so close that they feel like they are happening, and I believe it. Some sort of psychotic experience if you may want to call it anything, I don't know, but this beats my reality into pieces...

Take care

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor...

Lady Gaga released her new musicvideo yesterday for "Telephone" a song I really like. The video is so fun, love it when she's over the top, for my case it always works. The Thelma & Louise story line is there, so is other influences like Michael Jackson and Kill Bill, she does this with Beyoncé (who I'm tending to like more and more for each day) and they do it funny and very well! Jonas Åkerlund (the master genius behind many of my favourite videos has directed it and just take a look! Oh, I really wish MTV would be more music and less realityshows...

Sippin' that bub'

Friday, March 12, 2010

Nostalgia and some love that runs deep...

One nostalgia trip, a childhood memory and then off celebrating my mother and that it is her birthday! Love my mum, she's the best. Lots of love to this woman, my mother. For putting up with me for over 23 years and for always being there...

This show brings back so many memories that I barely knew I had.
A childhood is sweet and full of innocence, this brings that back. I'll be posting more later on.

This was when we went up in the air, another birthday present for her,
for two years ago, oh want to do it again!

Love and kisses

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Shoes that just speaks to green...

My body is slowly killing me at this very instant, I'm not that happy as you can imagine. But the spring is arriving and I'm quite relieved that I can put on my high heels and just walk, not yet, but soon! Can't wait... I want new ones... I know what I would like...

These from Mr. Louboutin himself, and wonderful, alarming green ones! Haha! I love!


Oooh, you've got to just, Vogue!

I think everyone of you have seen the Madonna performance from 1990, at MTV. Today MTV isn't that much about music, which is very sad, cause I was glued to the tv during their weekend breaks with different stars, Madonnas was one of the best. She's always been a rolemodel, since I knew who she was. So the concert I saw last year was probably one of the best I've been at. I just wished I've seen her on Reinvention, or earlier... But this from 1990 - is just fab!

Strike a pose!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A touch of spring today...

When I went out today, I truly felt the touch of spring, that's leaning in the air, the snow is melting and soon everything will start to blossom, I hope... Today has been a pretty okey day for me, if you may say so. Walking through Stockholm made me realise why I always fell somewhat inlove with that town over and over again... Well, hope all of you are doing well and that you don't fall to the ground when it gets slippery, hoho!

Love and kisses

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Top Gear make cars fun!

One of the best shows that I tend to have stumbled upon many times, that aren't even near my normal interests is, Top Gear. Not only is it hilarious, I learn that cars can be fun, I've still doesn't have my drivers licence, but it won't take long now, I think... But Top Gear, so freaking funny, fast driving, competions and lots of arguing about non important nonsense!

I believe that I will become a carlover, maybe... We'll see... But it's something with going as fast as you can that tickles in me...


Dodge a bullet from the perfect life?

This week has just started out as hell, with that said, moving on. I have to find my own place where I can lay me down and realise that I'm still me. Also I need someone, and I want to be in love, even though it frightens me to death to become something like that - I'm torn. But you have to be able to jump to see if you still are able to live... How do you combine fear with living to the fullest? For the fact, Happiness isn't something that just are there all the time, life isn't just a ray of sunshine, it's thunder to. I don't strive anymore for the perfect life, that's long gone -instead an idea that might striving for something new, and never expect anything else. Sometimes you really can protect yourself from some of those bullets... Cause nothing is worse than loosing the perfect image in your head, cause when you reach a certain point you will wonder; Was this it? Is there anything more? And when there's not - you slip.

"The perfect and wonderful life with a loved one, children, and the suburb life" - No, that's not for me, not today nor tomorrow.


Monday, March 08, 2010

You were my lesson I had to learn, I was your fortress you had to burn, There's no place left to hide...

Just because this is always on my mind, I love this one... I tend to always fall back on Madonnas album Ray of Light, and specific The Power of Goodbye and Frozen and all the others too... I'm just numb and does not have a very good spirit...


Sunday, March 07, 2010

Learning to live with it?

Learning to live, seems so easy sometimes. Othes times it's eating me alive. I came to think about why I'm writing a blog and what use I have of it. Having a blog is very self-absorptional and also a place where you just can let your mind speak free. One of my many passions I have is writing, I've always had that, no matter where I've been. Writing is something I could do all day long and it's been really therapeutic - loosing things that just need to go. I have started to think about writing again in Swedish about stuff that needs those specific words - but who knows? I don't, all I know is that my moodswings are back with one hell of a thunder, so I'm not so nice. Time flies, very fast and I'm stuck on the ground trying to catch my breath. But how long does it take to learn how to live?

And one thing, it doesn't matter how fancy you try putting out these words, or romanticide them, make them sound better, the thought, feelings and you are still you. Having bipolar disorder is nothing that none can expect, it's everything ane more at times. It's something you always have to keep fighting for - it doesn't go away - it can't. But after all you're not your disease, but it's a part of you.


Is this a good day to pull a trigger?

I don't feel well, anywhere right now - my body is twisting and turning without me making anything... I'm ready to cut parts off to get som relief, but that won't happen, will it? I just wish that I had someone near me would or could stand on my back and try to pin me down to the floor... Or someone that would stretch me til' I starts scream (very unlikely though that I scream)... I want to say that I know it will pass, a logical side in me says that, but the non (whatsoever) logical side says another, so here I am in a crossfire betweed body and brain... Pull the trigger soon? This is not a good day...


Saturday, March 06, 2010

A wonderful yesterday!

Yesterday my dear friend Emma came over and from my side of the view - we had a blast! Such a fun, cute and wonderful woman! She's just special! And that she and I can listen to the soundtrack from Mulan out in the freezing cold (waiting for a train) says it all! How funny isn't it when two people starts to dance to that or Technoman and jump of joy? Haha, you make the best of what you got! Thank you honey! And yes, we're gonna see Gaga, again! Love!

Now, I've got things to do, we'll just see what happens!


Thursday, March 04, 2010

A tea Party in Wonderland!

I still haven't melted that I saw Alice In Wonderland yesterday, what a magnificient movie! I loved it! Tim Burton, Johnny Depp - and everyone else did one hell of a job! Oh, can't wait to see it again! I loved it, from beginning to end. Joyful, scaring, morbid, funny, magical, just Wonderful!

Wonderland kisses

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet!

Today I'm meeting up my cousin, love that! Looking at stuff, going to get something nice to eat and then; Alice In Wonderland - by Tim Burton. Gonna be lovely! I think I will love it. Just because it's Burton. But who knows, I'm hoping for the best!

Love from wonderland

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Lightened life?

Just a quicky here, lots of things on my mind - meaning I have no time for even reflecting over it. But I'll manage, I haven't had any meltdown yet, so maybe I'm really learning something, who knows? All I know is that I love to surround myself with people with creativity, lovely spirits and a whole lot of fun! Thank you all for lightening up my life. Tomorrow I'm gonna meet my cousin, have something to eat and go to the movies, can't wait!

Til' then, waiting for spring....