Sunday, January 31, 2010

Snakes leads today to a tower!

I started out looking for one, ended up with another! But much more pleasant than I thought! I found this wonderful (though in my eyes a little scaring) advert photo for Alexander McQueen's Plato Atlantis - a really wonderful collection from the brittish sometimes controversial artsy designer, whom I adore. That led me to the SHOWstudio, and I fell in love, as soon as I'd clicked on the link... There I found so many different projects going on, just go there and take a look! So one then the other, I found myself chasing a classical tune, found it, thankfully - Requiem for a Tower!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Did you like the ad?

I sure did (and the shoes) and I think Nick Knight did one hell of a job, also Raquel Zimmermann that's the so stunning and extraordinary model beneath all those colourful snakes... Am I scared? Yes. Would I do it? No, unless I was paid very well!

Colourful snake kisses

What do I want?

There are certain things I want to do through out my life, one of those is writing some sort of book, maybe just for me, but I will write. That I am sure off. Only because I'm too stubborn to not do it. Writing has always been a way to take anxiety away, or thoughts that I've had. I still use my writing as my own way of realising and accepting.

But some of the other things I would like to have done when I'm finished is;
Travelled and explored all the corners of the world.
Start dancing again.
Live my life at the fullest every day.
Find myself, and someone that are able to live with me.
Take my driver's licence!

That would sum it all up, but of course there are the tiny little things that always will be there.
What do you want, for yourselvs? Not to make any other person happy - just you.


Saturday, January 30, 2010

Who am I, a human?

I don't know what I am at this very moment, I'm left without words. All the feelings a human can have, is inside me. Both all the happy, loving, caring , the angry, irritated, useless feelings and more are in me. All I wonder is; why the hell do I still care? Cause no matter what, I can't seem to be finding a good reason of doing it. I don't have any reason at all to care about this. So why do I? Because I'm human, that's it - if I'm logical... Perhaps? Who bloody hell cares? Think of whatever you want to think. I'm off.


Friday, January 29, 2010

Now we are free...

From one of the most impressive movies I've ever seen, I give you the song... I'm always out of breath and words when I see this... Speechless and crying...

I have my freedom, do you have yours?
It doesn't matter if I'm in a cage or out running, I am free.

Peaceful kisses

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Boheme chic romantic elegance...

After paying a visit to my all time favourite site that has some sort of direction in the fahion world, except Style, Fashionista is the place to be, today they'd brought up new young stars in photograhpy. As always I fell for at least one of them! The woman is named Petra Van Raaij, and she truly has talent. It's something very boheme chic romantic elegance over it!

All the pictures are in courtesy of Petra Van Raaij.

With wishes for spring, summer and with love

Accepting responsibility...

This day was the first day, that I dreamt of spring since the beginning of the winter. Usually I dislike all the seasons, but this last autumn and winter has changed me - whether I wanted it or not, but it happend in the evolution of acceptance and living because I wanted to. The strive to happiness, has seemed painful and never ending! But here I stand one year after what might have been one of the most important sequences of my life so far - alive.

Learning to live, and still learning is something I practice everyday. Do you know people who makes excuses, like; I'm like "this" cause this happened to me - and the excuses are going on and on... I do not ever want to be spoken to saying; that I didn't do my time. That's not me. Neither should it be anyone elses. I've started take responsibility, cause the only one controlling my life is me, with my values - living life - with every inch of still being me...


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dusty dreams in my mind this very instant...

Some pictures that now is totally taking up my mind, diffrent times, but oh, I love the fairytale and dusty, shimmering feeling around these ones... It makes me smile. I true have a really fascination of storys they all tell me...

Dreamy dusty kisses

Guilty or not, what's my value?

Calmed panic? Does that really exist? I do not know, therefore the question. A part is ripping everything inside out, the other is putting it back where it belongs... What would you do? I just go with the flow, at least trying to do that. But reminding myself that I am human, and working for a better state regarding my values, thoughts and my responsibility that I have as a human. I can't say, that wasn't my fault all the time, hiding from what I don't want to touch or feel. Neither can't I deny that one thing I have is not my fault at all, but can I blame the genetics all the time, and where do I land? Am I guilty, should I hide or run, is it my fault? Or does my or your truth sometimes slides under or above?

Divided kisses

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Dance as an artform...

I do miss dancing, a little bit too much right now! The "if" is constantly repeating itself, as the question why I stopped torments my mind. There's a reason of course, but I wish that things would've turned out in some other way. I'm still thinking of picking up on dance, cause I really can't stop watching ballet, movies about dance, competitions, dance is such a pure astonishing fabulous work of artform... For me it takes my breath away. Would I have liked not to have a sickness regarding my physical health, but hey - it's life. I'll make it work, we'll see...

Now it's time for So You Think You Can Dance?

At least once in my life I do intend to see real ballet performed,
hopefully in Russia and to Tchaikovsky's masterpieces...


Apollo and Daphne!

My head is about to explode soon. Not literally though, some sort of mentally. I have so much on my mind that I don't know where to put it. I think I would feel good if I went into a very dark room, and stayed there until this is over. I'm looking for all kinds of inspiration... And I'm going back to my art books, looking through everything that I might find some interest in. Reading through the Acheamendid Empire to this present day... That's very much information... But I'm up for the challenge! I'll give you one of my favourite sculptures! By no one else than Bernini himself!

If you want to learn more, go check up Apollo and Daphne,
and see their beautiful lovestory here carved in marble...

And yes, I will soon upload lots of the new delightful couture collection from Dior!

Lovely lillies

Monday, January 25, 2010

Cherish your life...

I'm at peace, for the moment, what else can I say? What is there to say? What more do I want to share with you? As I seem too find my own little path, entirely my own, I suddenly realise that I wheter you travel, not all of those who were is going to be with you. But those who are, cherish them. I will 'til the very end of me and you.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

There's no limit in my fantasy, except me.

Having pain in your whole body - all along every day that passes by, is dreadful. If I wasn't in a happy state of mind, I'd think I'd be laying with a saw cutting everything except the head of... eh? But I don't, I'm a survivor, but I have to admit, that I sometimes do tend to wonder about that. I can't stand myself sometimes, so I wonder how my family is adjusting to the situation? You can't control the weather - neither me. Therefore dreaming is one of the best parts of the life I'm living, I can have my painless body, and my mind can spin as it wants to. There's no
limit in my fantasy, the world I do now enjoy entering. Cause there's no limits, only the ones I create.

Fantasy loveliness

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Do you value yourself as much as you shoud?

Do you have values? For yourself, and not attemting to perform exceedingly well for another person/partner? Do you have them for you and only you? Do you at the same time have goals that you want to achive in a time not to far away? I'm trying to figure out my values, as my goals in my life. That means I'm taking the actual thoughts from my head into actions, for me. I need the structure and I need my brain to start working as I want it, with methods and knowledge.

What are your values? And how do you make them into your ordinary life?


Friday, January 22, 2010

Harlequins and phobias...

It all started tonight when I was looking for harlequins and pierrots, and it popped up! I know that I shouldn't look at pictures of deformations on humans, like yes the tree-man which has a rare mutation of HPV, but as soon as I start looking I can't stop. It start itching and I feel like somethings is eating me up from inside, I get really scared thinking that I might have a mutation process in my cells... But I don't, I know, but this still drives my mind crazy and all my phobias up to the surface... I don't dislike the people, I'm just to freaked out of how the mutation can happen... Nevermind, as I said, I'm looking for harlequin and pierrots pictures, I love them!

This is a picture I took back in 2005, I think, a very long time ago!
Right now I'm raging the internet for pictures, like a maniac...


Tv, whenever you may ask!

This one new commercial that the comedy duo, Judit and Judit has done for Comhem here in Sweden, you can say what you want about Comhem, but they do one hell of commercials now! Loveit! All over, it's just fantastic, the other one, was the Youtube hits, priceless one too!

Hope you enjoyed it!

Love and laughs

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thoughts about life as I know it today...

Life seem a little bit to fond of playing with me, or at least my mind likes it. I don't, just to be clear. All things seem to happen at the same time, but hey I love it when it does, but you can never be careless, ever. Slightest slip and you'll be dragging your sorry little ass back! So how do you learn to live with everything at the same time? Not relying on someone to always be there except you? Where do you find yourself in all the chaotic and calm thunderstrom in your cup?

I have to tell you, working for my father is always interesting, I literally grew up with antique stuff, that led me to start thinking about interior designs and that maybe baroque, rococo, art nouveau (jugend for swedish people), or maybe art deco should suit my home? Wanting my first old vintage corset (from the c. 1800) when I was 11 and the dresses, the shoes, the just pure art in what became what I'll be working with. As always having the fortune of looking at things that are extraodrinary, it's just a swell! I still haven't got my real 1800 vintage rare corset, but the dream is alive, yet! I know I love antique furniture, architechture, clothing - there's a history in every antique object that I see...


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I've seen the future, baby, It is murder...

Listening to Leonard Cohen brings back more memories than I thought it should... Most of them are good, some bad. But that's life. This little man has so much power in each and single word he sings and write, I'm just numb. I saw him for more than a year ago, and I started crying as soon as he stepped out on the stage. The little man with the strongest words shaped by songs that will live forever. He was beautiful, strong and kindhearted. I don't know if any words that I might come to write is going to be enough. I'll be waiting for that miracle forever. Music is one of the most important influences in my life.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Dance, move, figure!

I just have to show you some pictures that might shine a light on my dreadful blog this night, now it's So You Think You Can Dance, and I want shoes. So I'll watch the show, hoping that their dance brings lots of smiles on my lips!


Thoughts about being a brick in a wall..

I don't want to write about the catastrophic disaster on Haiti, not because I don't care, cause I do. I just don't have any words for what's happening. I can write about it now, I really do have thoughts about it. But let's take it like this, I will never allow anyone to take pleasure in human crises, or the violence around us - some people at Facebook created a donation group for the Haiti victims, but they changed it - into something where the money went to something else, in this case necrophilia (I do not say you can't imagine about stuff or wanting something, that's totally up to you), but to collect money from it. Is that okey? No, not for me. I don't think I know anyone who is into childpornography or domestic violence, neither sexual assulting women or men, violation is never going to be something I would accept. Sometimes I use to say that we're all just a brick in the wall (yes from Pink Floyd) cause it fits right there. I don't know - we're indivduals, but also the same, with the same rights and we have our freedom, but do we really?


Why can't it be on the same level for once?

My phsyical health is slowly killing me, but my spirit is as high as it could be, lots of nice things happens to the people that's around me. I just can't stop smiling and all the love in the world seems too have filled my heart that it may burst any minute now, but I don't care if it burst I'll still have the love. I'm just so happy that I could start crying, realising that I do have the most amazing friends and my family around me. I just wish that my body would like to keep up with my state of mind, or likewise...

I need a man, that's one thing that's sure!
Or I need shoes, but what pair? Louboutin, Blahnik, Marro? Who?


Monday, January 18, 2010

Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me, I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me...

You just have to listen to this, yet again, but this song is just too great to miss out on. I've loved itsince I first heard it - it still hits me like lightening... A pure love song, a true devastating memory and Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac. It haunts me sometimes, as she sings it.

Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me
I'll follow you down til' the sound of my voice will haunt you
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you
You could be my silver springs
My blue green colors flashin'


Sunday, January 17, 2010


I stumbled over some old things that I used to look at as a little kid, childrens program if you say so... Haha! I have the start for every show (that I used to look at and everyone else who were looking at 6 o'clock every evening, and my favorite was Björnes Magasin, a lovely show, that from what my mom says I cried everytime Björne disappeared - oh, poor little me ;) Anyhow, some people never liked the start of Bolibompa, but I sure did!


Saturday, January 16, 2010

Giorni Dispari...

I recently discovered an amazing piano player, called Ludovico Einaudi, so wonderful... He just touches the right parts at once... So soothing. heartbreaking, dispirited and yet, loving, warm and heartful. I just listen, letting my mind move away for just a couple of minutes.

Now, I'm off to bake a pie, maybe new bread and maybe a raspberry pie too?
Why not do it, while you can?

Dispirited love

Friday, January 15, 2010

The beauty of a stormy sea...

For about an hour ago, I felt amzing, nothing could stop or pull me down - having the sort of "I'm-top-of-the-world" for me is not good, cause it always ends in disaster. Nevermind, I've snapped out of my so called coma of almost killing myself like a thunder (just to be more melodramatic than I ever could be) or be as calm as a beautiful stormy sea or am I both at the same time, who knows? But what can you do when your head is on the high and your body is on the low, not a good combination, that I can tell you. Give me a day without this, can I, pretty pretty please? I have so many ideas and I'm working my way towards them, but I'm careful, I don't want to trip and fall. I don't want to be in one day, and the next day out... I'll give you some pictures that somehow presents me and they are just lovely to look at... But there's is something beauty of having the calm and strength of a sea or thunder...

Lovely butterfly kisses

I'm going around the world in a tea daze...

I love this, it's just pure art in my ears... So instead of me writing about anything, just listen.


Thursday, January 14, 2010


Yesterday I went down - that's all you need to know. Other than that, one of my favorite tv-programs is back! I love dance and from that I love to watch So you Think You Can Dance. It's truly a really amazing show to watch... And all the clothes they're wearing, woho! Always different because each dance needs it's own!

All I know is that I'm out of word, just right now...


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Is that alright?

How do you make something right, wrong?
And something wrong, right?
Tell me, cause I need to know.

I'm not alright.


I'm in the garden, again and again...

Hands that aches is not fun - that's an under statement. You become numb of it all - and that's a fact. But by forcing yourself to keep it going is the only possible thing to do - while moving on. I feel like I don't have any joyful to share with you... Yesterday was a little bit to good, and as always a slip comes, but having this monumental rollercoaster inside of me, is just there. No need of explaining or wanting you to understand today - I don't have the energy... So I'll come back when I'm in a better state of mind, now it's time for The Secret Garden... Or maybe Pride and Prejudice...?

Lovely green kisses

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Ordinary stuff on an ordinary day...

I'm sitting here, a bit confused... If my web browser is set on english, it would be easier to write in english, wouldn't it? I don't know if the browser is the problem or what is... I'd like a program that didn't try misspelling every little word I write... Well well, I think it will solve itself in the matter of time.

I think today I'll might go out and photograph all the beauty that's sourrounding me, but I don't want to freeze my hands of... Although it would be really nice to try and take some pics with my old camera, that would be fun and then come in... I promised to bake bread, I love that to, maybe drink some more gingertea and look at Ronja.

Cold frosty kisses

Monday, January 11, 2010

Nothing special, really...

After being at the doctor, only to confirm that I really have a slight more sensitive stomach than I would want... But who really wants to be sick? Not anyone, I guess. Although it's not the most phenomenal situation, as a human I'll learn to adapt.

Now I'm gonna drink some gingertea with honey, planning my future and looking forward for the meeting on wednesday, to see what it brings.


Sunday, January 10, 2010

Unhappy hands...

In the case that my hands really don't want to work with me, as much as I want to work with them and my mind is a little bit stubborn - I loose. Well, well, we will have to see what happens, something for the better, the doctor tomorrow and yeah, at least it's not the worst case scenario... All bad things comes in threes, isn't that how it goes? No, I'm not bitter.


Saturday, January 09, 2010

Cut, shock, amore baby!

I think that I've soon been cracking every bone in my body, trying to make it understand that it need some sort of help - I have not cracked my skull... But somehow I manage to twist my body into cracking itself... Not that it hurts, but is it ok? Nevermind, I spent this afternoon looking through the new-more-old spring 2010 collections and I actually found amazing cutting gowns from Viktor & Rolf, Shocking Amore from Moschino and Punk-understanding-the-climate dresses from Dame Viv. I like it! Thank you Style that you have a sliding version that is working! Now I'm realxing with Pink Floyd, looking for more inspiration, you can never have enough... Stay tuned!

Fashionable kisses and love

Dreams become reality?

I have absolutely nothing funny (thought or thing) to write about, my dreams this night (the ones I remembered) were really bizarre, you're in some kind of delirium. I got a job at a fashion magazine (no nothing strange yet) but the things around it, were oddly creepy, like being chased and played like a toy... My subconscious mind saw all kinds of people, like a normal sized woman, with no arms and legs, poking me (with what?) - and although you want to remember everything - the brain seems only to remember the most outrageous things. As me running away, towards my mother and fathers car, from the woman with only a body chasing me to wherever I tend to run or turn, there she was, looking extremly repugangtly bizarre (but not in a good way). Maybe this either sound terrifying or any verb you want to put in. It's hell when this really is happening, the reality is so close that it transforms itself to it. Waking only to realise that, nothing happened, or did it? My logical part says this, the unlogical that.

Wishful dreams


Friday, January 08, 2010


When you start questioning, nothing and everything, where do you land? With the achievements you've made or the ones you didn't? When do you realise that you don't have to be thrown into the mud every time, I realised that when I was made to choose, then I came around. In some terms. But when you have a real big depression - it's very easy to go down and not intending to go up. Everything isn't black or white, is all in between them and far more... What's the worst thing that can happen to you? I don't know for my case, and everyone is an individual here...


Thursday, January 07, 2010

It's a cruel cruel world, to face on your own, A heavy cross, to carry alone, The lights are on, but everyone's gone, And it's cruel...

I just loove this now (probably a half year after everyone else) but it's just too good, I just like how she sings "it's a cruel cruel world..." Couldn't have said it any better myself! J'adore!

We could play it safe, or play it cruel,
Follow the leader or make up all the rules
Whatever you want, the choice is yours,

So choose...

Cruel lovely games

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Maybe a runaway?

It's very cold in the apartment I live in... I actually feel like it would be better if I'd lived outside, cause this is not working. I'm freezing all over and that isn't an ultimate situation for me, or for anyone. But the idiotic pain is more palpable than ever. I would like to go somewhere warm and comfy... But at least I'm still optimistic and it couldn't get any worse (knock on wood).


Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Moments that will last forever...

Once upon a time... When me and my best friend Malin, were out on her school, this is circa 03-04 (I don't now the specific day, not that it matters). I modelled, back then it was a huge step for me to even be on a picture, but Malin brought something out of me and today we look back and see that a lot has changed, but the love is still there. So here's one of the photos Malin took - I love that moment and I know she does...


Should, or chould or would?

Today, I'm going to sit with my baby again, it's been longer than I can count for. But, I don't know what I want to do. Do I want to start making new clothes? That's right for this season, on the other hand - I've promised myself that I shouldn't start making things until I've lost some more weight... Or should I fix the ones that aren't complete yet? Or maybe has a seam that must be fixed? We'll see, but I'm also gonna begin to start making the maxidress, I've dreaded to start on (but has to be ready for summer)... Wish me luck!


Monday, January 04, 2010

Fleurs du Mal...

I've always loved Sarah Brightman, but I haven't listened to her latest albums, although I truly admire her songs. So I began listening to her, just for some days ago, and I was relieved that she still sings beautifully and really amazing...


When it gets too much...

Okey - next week I'm back to see my doctor (again). And I'm not giving up, so back to her and to do all kinds of tests. Nevermind, I'm not bitter, am I, not yet at least? I'm just sick of being sick - all the time! I know for the fact that I have two conditions that never will disappear, and if someone could figure out what the probably, bloody last thing is for now, I would be able to live my life, just a little bit more... Yes, I'm cynical, bittersweet and bipolar. If I didn't eat ok (normally) and didn't know what and how to do things, then you could judge me, for all the worth you have. I just have to burst out some of this, I'm totally fine now, but all these upside downs, is just a little bit too much...


Sunday, January 03, 2010

A pain that I'm apparently used to...?

My body is saying a Big, No-No! As much as I may hate it, I can't do anything. But I'm not sad yet at least, don't think that's gonna happen either. I'm just constantly tired of always have aches now both in my stomach and the usual aches my entire body has... How long do you have to take it? Of course, like all diseases it goes up and down, meanwhile you want to control it, you can't. But hey, I'm gonna have this all my life, so I don't have time to be sad about it, but it would be nice to have someone who can understand why I want to decapitate my body at these moments!

So I would like to have a man, who could take all the knots in my muscles away, where are you?
And I loved that my friend Cookie came over yesterday and made my life more shiny!


Saturday, January 02, 2010

Alea Iacta Est!

To be or not to be, that has always been the question, but what happens when you're no longer are, you haven't the question in your life. You can't pick your choices, you just has to settle for what it is. You're no longer innocent, you're proven guilty - it doesn't mean it's a crime here - and you live with the emotional burden you bear, I couldn't put it any more simple, I am what I am, not much more, not much less neither. Either way I want it, or hate it, I can't go back in time, erase and do it all over again, cause as Caesar said, Alea Iacta Est... It has never been more clear. But I'm alive and I smile. So here we go, it's time to live...


Friday, January 01, 2010

A new decade, has begun...

And so did the New Year begin tonight! Hope all of you had a nice time celebrating, I did. I do not have any big vows that I set up, just living healthy and have nice people surrounding me, is the most important thing. A decade has past us now, and I couldn't have begun this better in any other way, it's just pure happiness and love.

So I hope all of you have a beautiful day today and that you take care of yourselves!

Love and happiness