I want new shoes, I don't need anything new, but I want wedges, that are similar to espadrillos and they have to be high! I want good ones to, not the ones that will fall apart just by using on a daily basis... So where do I find them? We'll see...
Tonight I get my all time favourite food, my fathers... I've got agony about the fact that I can't do proper rice yet, but I'm getting there - someone has to follow the tradition forward in cooking persian food, and I think that it will be me. But I enjoy it so much - it's a special technique in doing it! So I have to learn it.
Tomorrow we're shooting some more things, love it! But I will need more food and things that keep my and all the others moods up. Then it's on with all the other thing, meetings, spend time with friends and look forward to a very exciting spring. I can't believe that I'm writing this, but in all the things that happens I'm still standing, I get up and slowly and carefully learning to live and I'm happy - so happy that I can burst into tears (can someone hit me in the head?)... But this is maybe how it feels... I'm just in the beginning of it all, of my life...
Today is all about fashion and photoshoots! Love that, but it's also very heavy, I know it will take some time today. I might upload some behind the scenes later on. But this look like real fun! But I'll as good as dead after this weekend. Well, well - you only live once.
There's never enough time, that's what I've got to say, at least today! I am an emotional slut today and nothing good does ever come back from that. I'm just hoping that I'll stay on solid ground. But a hug would be really nice now. I don't want to talk about it, not now. But I need love and the need of having someone is carved into my skin. I don't even know if true love exists, but I sure do hope so.
A body that does what it want for itself is not one of my most desirable situations. After this week, I'm gonna take it a bit slow for a little while - I think? But I have some things that's on my to-do-list. First up a wonderful day with my cousin, she's as "obsessed" by Johnny Depp as I! You have to love that! She's sane, always good news.
Now I'm gonna plan more about the upcoming things and take a very warm shower, that's mandatory for me! And I really don't get people, if we don't get a cold and white winter - it's bad. If we get it like we have today that = bad to. How should you have it? Maybe this is the first time we experiencing a cold, long and white winter, like it was for many years ago? Why complain, this maybe is the only time in your life you're gonna have it, although it is hard. Of course I'm looking forward to spring, but life's a rollercoaster...
Today is just being about relaxation, reading Harry Potter, talking to my wonderful friend Anna, she's one of the most warm and loving friends I have. A true, genuine soul that just makes me smile and laugh, oh I really miss her and love her! I'm coming down soon, promise! Now I'm gonna continue throwing myself into the magical world of Harry Potter! Oh the joy!
I think that the swedish covers are so beautiful! Still, after more than ten years...
Time is really running fast, I'm sitting here, thinking about the following week, and all that's gonna drain me from everything that I can or would be. But it has a good cause I think... I have so many inspirational photos to show you... But I don't have the energy to put it all up here, but two, three photos wouldn't be much? Would it? And my spotify doesn't seem to work, aah, I hate when that happens!
Kattaca it is this time, I have a thing for them...!
I don't know, I really don't. I don't have it concrete infront of me, neither do I know if I want it or not. Maybe these thoughts are best hidden, where no one but me could find them. So we'll have it like that. The outside of me, is fine. But nothing more than fine. I want the snow to melt, or at least the wind stop blowin'. I just want a moment of me - where there's no doubts, no second questioning, but still the feeling of having a way out. Nothing more than me, in a bubble. Like Ray Caesar paintings now...
This is just beautiful in my own eyes, music and fashion go very well together. I came across this for some days ago, and I love when she just sings, and says that the song is for Alexander McQueen, whom the world of fashion is now sorrows. Just listen, if you don't want to look, close your eyes and listen.
I haven't been this tired since I don't know... Walking around in Stockholm these days are not fun, I slip everytime I try to walk somewhat confident. Oh, I'm just tired. After a weird night of sleeping with stranger dreams than ever, to rush around try to keep me on focus, well after all I'm getting there.
I have many things to do, many things on my mind but I'm not complaining, that's not me is it? I'm happy and that's all that matters. Although it would be nice to find a man... Enough said. Today I've got lots and lots to do! Calling people, setting up meetings, use all my senses to be clear about next week, have time for my friends, have to catch up, calm myself and remember to smile - we'll that's just a piece of cake, isn't it? Doing it all at the same time. And work out to - I am the only key to feeling better and easen up the pain.
I want spring, I want to be able to walk outside without the anxiety of falling at hit yourself. Not that I don't love the winter, but I don't like slippery roads, clear on that? Cause when springtime comes I'll just start to walk so much more, and that is good exercise for me... None the less, I have a goal, set on the beginning of the summer... We'll see...
I'm really trying to find some inspiration to make new clothes, I'm gonna sit by my machine and really do some new stuff! Cause no matter, I don't follow trends so what I want is not going to be something I've picked up from some trendmagazine - it's one thing to have them as inspiration, another to buy all into them... Thing I tend to look at now, is maxiskirts and dresses, lightweight clothes, knitting, india, bohemian chicness, and the things that actually can work! Still I can change my mind tomorrow - a big wardrobe is necessary.
Chasing people isn't a thing I do because I could think it's funny. I do not. That said, moving on. First of all I've realised that I need massage to even feel at some comfort level with my body. At least I know now one thing that just ease the pain... I have to marry a man with a fortune, haha! Kidding, but seriously I would be kind of nice to visit spas' and so on... Now I'm off hunting more things for work that's coming up, of course it's about fashion!
What to say? I have too many thoughts on my mind too share with all of you. Things has to happen for a reason, that's how I see it. But sometimes you just need a day off, or an hour at peace with your mind. I have a need to go higher, to strive for perfection. I know nothing is perfect - but the goal of making it perfect is great and keeps me hunting and wanting for more.
I'm slowly letting the old me go, letting myself become the one I want to be. I will always have the "old" me, I know that, but how to loose and yet gain yourself when I know that she's not me and she never will be. My values of whom I'm aiming for is in the views of my eyes and I'm leaving some parts of me behind, just as simple as she wasn't the one I wanted to be.
I just want to wish everyone a very fashionable valentines day and hope that you all spend time with your loved ones. Hope you eat and drink well and just enjoy yourselves, but I think that we shouldn't need a special day when you have to care more about someone, you should care all year around! So is this day really necessary?
I'm thinking of redesigning my blog, again... We'll see...
All I can say is that I for the first time since 10 years back I felt that I had one nights sleep that wasn't go to make me wake up as tired and unrested as I always do, but tonight I got a really good nights sleep! Yesterdays massage made me understand that I have a great deal of tensions and and knots (you name it) in my body that's been there for quite some time and yes I had a really good massage therapist, she was rough just as I want it. Am I gonna do that again? Of course. So today has been a very good day - not painfree but easier.
I'm just chocked over tha fact that he is gone. One of this time most creative and magical designers and interesting men is gone. I'll admire him 'til I'm gone myself. I truly love his work - he will live forever as one of the most controversial yet sophisticated, romantic and pessimist, a true genius - he was what we all couldn't be - that's what I saw in his designs and his works.
As a common fact, people do want the blossoming spring at this part of the year. I get shivers from it. My eyes are idiotic and very sensitive when the sun starts to break out and I get headaches due to shiftings in the air and weather. I hate it, that's a fact. But I do my best to be prepared for it. Sunglasses are truly my best friend! Cause changes with the sun and weather is the worst thing I know!
This evening I'm going to go to Sturebadet here in Sthlm, a spa - to get massage. My mum thought that she and I should go. I really do have the best mum!
A little update, moodswings from somthing that's not of this world. A pain in my body that stayed the same since the middle of December and lots of funny things to look forward to. That's was your update. Today is one hell of a day, first part is private and the later is not. Tonight I'll be going to Auktionsverket here in Stockholm, they are going to have their second auction labeled Fashion, of course Vintage. Because of my father, I got an invitation of seeing the vintage fashions one day before the real showing starts. With Nathalie Schuterman presenting how to wear vintage with new fashion, but I'm not going for that!
All of you living in Stockholm should take a visist and admire the wonderful vintage clothes, from Chanel, Lanvin, Theirry Mugler, Hérmes, Balmain - you name it!
Sometimes fear stops you from living the life you want, taking new steps, making your life more adventourous. How do you manage your own fear, when it comes to new adventures? How do you jump without scaring yourself to death? Do you maybe take the jump into the blue hoping for the best? Life isn't something that is easy - neither would I want that. But living life scared is easier than living and pushing up towards the edge... I want to go there - my mind is set there. I like things that are challenging and that's why I made my decisions this week - I'm diving in, too get a clearer look of what I want and who I am. Maybe I'll be more fearless than I'm already are - cause this isn't about the outside, this is the inside. Will I come out stronger? Is this my new adventure in my new found life, and if so, do I have to be scared? Or can I enjoy the ride - and horror of horror will I be able to live and enjoy life at the same time? Ha!
I just have to share a song that I found so touching, it's called Tick Tock by Hush. I just fell for it as soon as I listened to it. What can I say? Pure, light and somewhat dark... Piano and that voice just gives me shivers, in a good way...
I lay and watch the clock, tick tock, tick tock
Here in the pale moonlight, time goes slowly by...
I can say that I am really happy with this day and how it turned out, met up Daniel at his school, and Hanse for some talk about a future shoot that's going to be amazing - but it will take time. You all get to see it later, promise! Tomorrow I have to call an eyedoctor to do a test to get a licence to take my driver licence and later meet up Emma, a very cute and smart woman I've get to known. I feel that even though my mood swings like a rollercoaster - I think I'm gonna be able to live with this, maybe...
This is an old photo Daniel took of me, during 2007...
Now it's time for ginger tea with my favourite honey! I love it, nothing beats it!
Today is easy, do the laundry and then clean yourself up and go into town for a meeting. Ha! Easy, yes perhaps, but in my case of doing the laundry it's never simple... I do a lot of handwashing and that is hell! But on the other hand, when you have as much clothes to clean as I do, what isn't hell? Is this something that occur for everyone? Nevermind... But then it's throwing myself in the shower and so on. We'll see how it all ends, as for now I'm really pleased with it all... But my mood swings from thunder and lightening to lovely and calm dreamy woods in seconds - leaving me with a stressed out and tired feeling. That's life!
Today we finally get to publish, the wonderful pictures with Rita Saardis clothes in an article about her, in the net magazine Hea7en! Go take a look, I promise lots of talent! Working with Rita's clothes were and are amazing! She has a way with her designs that truly speaks for itself. No further, here's the finals in the layout in the magazine!
I need to write about some stuff, but due to my own little privacy they won't be open here. Not that it's big things... Just the feeling that you still have to have your own little space. I found a thing I did for about ten years ago today, of course it's for school and the project was about yourself. I got myself a mindblower, that's the only certain thing. Things were different then, yet I know nothing was I wanted it to be. Ha, funny how you can swoop back 10 years, and still be in the present. Anyhow, I'll give you some sweet photos of me and my lovely two brothers, the best ones.
I just want to share a picture with you, you've seen it a hundred times before - but I've been in love with it since I laid my eyes upon it... Love at first sight, truly. That dress is going to be mine someday!
And when I went out today, it was so lovely!
The sunlight (okey, I hate it when it's spring, due to my eyes), but oh I was starstruck!
Values, are they hard or easy. Either way they are the guidelines to your life. Some people have said that the values are easy to me, I just can't believe that, just because some people do things to please others, your values are not suppose to be about pleasing anyone but yourself and how you want to act and be for you - others come second. It's so easy to say that, I want a partner, I want children, I want the whole package. But that's not values, that's the materialistic things. Values are who you want to be and to be aware that you will change throughout your life. And there's no right or wrong, just you. Struggle with those questions and how I want to pursue my life, led me right into agony and frustration, but something good is already coming out. I'm transforming.
If you all wonder why I tend to write, I think I've said this before. You don't have to read, cause this is just something in the neverending space.
Now I'm gonna watch Aladdin, and eat some nice food!
The only song in my mind. In other ways I don't have anything else to say right now. So this speaks just fine. Going upside down and from happy to sad, and right back up again, brings tension and I'm walking on my toes not to get broken pieces of glas inside... Hey, it's just another day in wonderland! This song is just pure...
Is that alright? Give my gun away when it's loaded Is that alright? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it Is that alright?
At the moment, my body is just giving up on me. Not so much fun, but my spirit is still unbroken, waiting for spring... Knocking on wood. We'll see. I gather up all kinds of inspiration I can find, it's always good to have backround information doing photoshoot. I'm digging deep into my history books! Here are some few things I tend to look at, right now;
Yesterday when I was looking at the performances from the Grammy Awards, I started looking for others, older that I truly admire. Of course I fell over Alanis Morisette, what a voice in that chair sitting, singing the words so true and powerful although it's soft at it's moment.
A new month, so many things that wants to be done, so many new things to see and discover. I want to see, feel, love, enjoy, all of the feelings you can have. Because this is different, I've never felt so free as I do now. But I'm up for it! For some minutes ago, I fell over Gaga's and Elton's amazing performance at the Grammy awards! I'm blown away! Just take a look!