I'm not going to be long today, I'm feeling better and I'm looking at things and I don't feel a thing, yes I talk about the provocativity that fetish clubs is sending out. I guess things aren't the same as they were for me anymore. I don't get anything from people having sex next to me, I don't even see them. I guess you get kind of bored and wheatered out when it comes down to it. I should really give awknowledgement to the people who still can see everything as new, because I don't. I don't get the thrill, maybe cause I know how many people are in reality. I have some amazing friends though that always keeps challeging me but it doesn't matter what they wear, they could wear rubber, leather or just ordinary clothes. They are still interesting. I think those people are the ones worth haning on to, they explore your mind and never leave you with nothing else than what I want.
I dreamt about him tonight, it was horrible, I hated it. I told him, no more like threatening him, that if he didn't say some things I would rip his heart out. I know I can be very melodramatic, but that's me - and nothing that you say will change that. I will be dramatic, I will shead tears for people, I will scream, I will be everything yet nothing at the same time.