I deserve it, as I've always walked around in circles...

I tried to find a specific shoe, I would die to have, nothing like anything else that I would normally wear, but I can't even find a picture of the shoe that I want on the website, it's as if it doesn't exist, really. But I know it does. I would love to have it, such an amazing shoe, the colour is orange! How sweet isn't that? I do adore them, but I know that I can get a better pair - that's the one thing that keeps me calm, if I really should have it, I would've find it - so it means that another pair is waiting for me. Yummie!


Yeah, I forgot to tell you that I got my GHD hairstraightener from LookFantastic yesterday! I haven't tried it yet, but I will. It came in a amazing box and looked really fancy, if you say so. If anybody wonders why I bought it's because I want to be able to do things with my hair and my old one isn't as good as this. I've seen the difference when I was at my hairdresser for about a month ago, I didn't order it then, but when I realized that I needed something that would work, I ordered it... The funny thing from ordering from LookFantastic is that the prices are low, not cheap for sleezy products, but a low price to pay for quality! Quality is the thing for lasting clothes, shoes, products, everything!


xo xo
Ciao!

Today is the last day, that I'm using words, They've gone out, Lost their meaning, Don't function anymore...

I don't really know what to write about today, my mind is spinning right now, I had so many thoughts that I was going to write about - but they've all gone missing. I cannot concentrate at this moment, tomorrow will be different, that's at least what I'm hoping for. Not to be so mashed up in my head and all over the place at the same time. I do want things to calm down a little bit, but I can't get a focus on it. I really can't and it annoys me so much. You don't even want to now what goes through my mind. It's like Bedtime Stories (the Madonna song) - so totally unexpected and so distressful. But I will come to my senses. I have people to talk to.


I'm looking for things that looks in a specific way, I can't reveal anything right now, but I know that I will find the things that are the ones in particular that I'm looking for. I always do that, with my own kind of twist. It's pretty amazing how you can take an outfit and make it into something it isn't, by just looking at it at first, that's the fun with fashion. You can style up anything!

I've said it before, but you can say it again, this is as close to perfection you ever may come in this genre!

xo xo
Ciao!

Put your hand on my shoulder baby, Things can't get any worse, Night is getting colder sometimes, Life feels like it's a curse...

Sorry about this, but I have to tell you about last night. The day was amazing, I was feeling just fine and I was as happy as I could be, after spending time with Elva and her trooper to son Alpha you can't be anything else than happy, if I say so. So unbelivable wonderful. I do really enjoy her. So thanks for a exciting day and yes, we're going to find the perfect dress for you, I'll bet you on that!

This is a dress I've had my eyes on for some time, I love flower patterns!

Then I came home (I was suppose to be going out with friends) but I collapsed, I just crawled up in the sofa and cried my heart out. It was real anxiety and I was on the verge to do anything to make it stop and for sure a bloody mess would've come out of it, but my father calmed me down, I do love him. My head just broke down and it made me so sad, cause I looked forward to meeting my lovely Anna, so now it's as good as settled for me to go down south, hopefully with my brother when he's going. So soon I'm going down to Malmö and getting away from everything up here. I'm still shaken by everything that came over me last night, all the emotions and stuff I don't want to talk about. My head is a big confused thing right now. Don't know where to start nor when to end.


Now I'm gonna drink a cup tea and look at some Disney movie. I do need it. Maybe Snow White, Beauty and The Beast, Cinderella, Alice In Wonderland or The Little Mermaid? Something to make me go away into something that's not here. I need my escape now.

This amazing photo is taken by Annie Leibovitz for Disney and the model is Julianne Moore!

xo xo
Ciao!

Tubular Bells...

Just because I love it so much, that noting can describe it. Mike Oldfield. I know my mum and dad has seen him, I hate them for that! Here enjoy one thing that I really want to listen all day, today! No words can describe this.



xo xo
Ciao!

And it just keeps gettin' better, hold on!

Yesterday was a hard days work, but fun to do. I love styling other people and there's nothing that stops me now... It's funny how things turn out to be. I just know for sure that clothes is the thing I really want to work with in my life, styling or designing, it's clothes. I will never stop making clothes, there goes a lot of my creativity, lovely!


Today I'm meeting up wonderful Elva and her cute son Alpha and we're gonna gossip and talk about tons of stuff and also shop! Haha! That's us. In a nutcase! And later I'm meeting my lovely and strong chic Anna and her friends for a night out on the town. Sweet bliss!



xo xo
Ciao!

Time dances whirling past, I gaze through the looking glass, And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven...

Some things you really can't have a chance to take in your own control, I'm a control freak. When I get cranky, it doesn't happen so often anymore, I'm not so funny to deal with... I like having control over things, but when I get caught in a moment of something we call a slightly mania and dissaociation (I think I got that today), I don't remember a thing that has past by the last hours, it's too much for my brain to manage so I go to my own comfort level of consciousness and are just floating by, I really don't know. As it happened today it didn't get as high that would make people notice me - and it happened when I was shopping. I think as I said too much was going through my mind at that time. But I'll always manage. My brain fucks with me, no I don't feel down, just a little bit confused and irritated. I need to bee in a dark room with no light right now, to be calm.


Yeah I bought a new skirt and two dresses. As soon as I have the time and the energy to post them here, I'll do that. You all know me, that's never gonna happen! Haha! But I do love 'em!

Beyond Retro = Love!


xo xo
Ciao!

We've got time, come inside, come inside!

I have about tons of things to do, but I thought I should drop by to just make everyone aware that I'm still standing, but I do surely don't know if I do it later this week, I have to be on top this weekend, cause Anna is coming up. How lovely isn't that? My lovely lady - pure love, lots of alcohol and a lot of fun, cause I know that Ciilja and Bruno is also coming, that's equals party! You can't have a boring moment with them. This week is stressing, so much things to do. But I'll manage. I love this look, so playful - yet serious.


I don't have time to sit here anymore, maybe later, if I have the time. We'll see.

xo xo
Ciao!

Birds and Butterflies!

Sometimes you just have to say, THIS IS TO DIE FOR! I hate it, but nothing else really fits, so that's life. A pleasant smile fell on my lips as I looked at the final result of the photoshoot I did with Nina, Elva and Hanse, it's lovely. Here are the finals! Hope you like them as much as I do!


Photo: Nina Holma
Make-up: Elva Ahlbin
Hair: Hanse Andersson
Styling: Me
Photo ass: Nicolina Bjureus
Models: Henrietta B - Up Models, Amanda S - Elite

All the hats are made by Rachel Van Asch, a truly remarkable and wonderful lady!

xo xo
Ciao!

Shenendoah...

I don't feel like sharing any of my thoughts today, neither did I do it yesterday. It's gonna be a stressful week, I can feel it in me and I don't like stressing... No, I don't like it at all. But hey, that's life. Today I'm giving you a video of music that calms me, thrills me, does a lot of things in my head. Just listen. Okey?



xo xo
Ciao!

I am the fire burning desperately but you're controling me, Release me, Release me.

This song is one of the best songs Sweden has produced in many years. Hearing it like this, makes me like it even more. Somthing is just so authentic and real about this. This is Frida singing (the singer in Oh Laura), nothing is put together in a computer, it's pure - that is rare.

I am the wilderness locked in a cage
I am a growing force you kept in place
I am a tree reaching for the sun
Please don't hold me down
Please don't hold me down

xo xo
Ciao!

If I only knew the answer, Or I thought we had a chance, Or I could stop this, I would stop this thing from spreading like a cancer...

I don't know, I really don't know what the hell I am doing right now. My mind hasn't made up its mind. So why do I keep that thing in there? I for sure don't know what it is, yet do I know how to feel about it, it's a nagging feeling and I'm bored out of hell. You should've seen me yesterday, first down, then up, then euphoric, getting a call from the doctor (on a late friday evening), baking, then falling asleep... Funny day! You should have loved being in my mind, for real you've hated it! It's up and down, sideways, backways, inside out, everything!


I want to buy things, I still want new stuff, as I wrote about the other day. The only thing that's different now is that I know that I will find what I'm looking for. When I see it, I know it's the thing. I need dresses, tops, skirts, not trousers and a lot of other things, like jewellery, not expensive stuff, but fun stuff to lift a whole outfit! So I can't say that I have nothing home. I got it. I need a new black dress, that goes with everything - I really don't think I have enough... yet...

How adorable aren't these? I neeed them!

xo xo
Ciao!

It's sunday, bloody, sunday...

I really can't belive that I'm about to see this bloody truly wonderful band that just makes so touching lyrics, one song in particular is the one I want to hear the most, but the one that I'm about to post is bloody well excellent too. But "One" is my all time favorite by U2, I just love the song. It's touching me in a way that I don't feel much often.



xo xo
Ciao!

Let it will be, won't you just let it be?

I would do anything to have a normal life, not the one that I live. Although it is quite pleasant to live nowadays, it has never in my life been easy, that's a fact my darlings. Nothing may ever be complete for me, I get bored then - nor can it be that I want it to be bored, you see I don't control everything in my brain, if I did, I wouldn't be writing this right now. My head hurts - for real and I can't take any aspirin for it, though it might hurt my body in a long term. Oh fucking someone why can't I be normal, or at least have the capability to be as normal as is gets, normal seems fine now, normal is not bad. I just want to live a fucking life, that not tries to kill me, every single week.


Despite my anxiety, that I belive none of you have - if it's roomtemperatured and goes with that redwine and you know that you are not in fact going to die - please leave, cause you have no right whatsoever to proclaim that you have it. Guess what, you're one of the lucky bastards who got away or should I call it what it is - you are normal.


Now I'm going to enjoy my new shoes, my "new" season of House M.D and look at pretty things... None of the above was directed to anyone, I just had to throw some things up.
It will all go away soon.

I'm in love with these shoes, I'm wearing them right now, it's pure love!

xo xo
Ciao!

Art = Provocativity?

I feel deeply uncomfortable right now, I don't know what the hell it is. My head aches, my stomach aches and I just feel disconnected from everything, maybe cause I've been sick the last two weeks, we can concentrate on that for now I think. If it hasn't passed away next week, then we can start wondering if everything is alright, I hope so. I don't like being ill. I really hate it, not so nice. It would be comforting to talk to someone right now. Not about deep stuff just complain about how ill my body feels. My whole body aches and I don't have a clue what to do about it.


I want to talk about a thing with you, a thing that buggs the hell out of me. A girl here in Sweden called Anna Odell (Oh, if anyone think it's a problem with writing her name it's not), she goes to a school here called Konstfack - a well respected school if I may say so. But the thing she does as her last piece before she graduate is something slightly more disturbing in my eyes. You don't play with psychological things, just to call it art. You can't simulate a psychosis in order to get into a psychiatric hospital to see how it works there. It's not hard to be provocative neither is it art anymore. It's not art for me when a sane young woman needs to be this provocative to start, I don't know what. Does anyone know for sure? I know for sure that she's mocking each and everyone whos' ever been there, for real. She's for sure mocking me, cause if she just simulating a psychosis and I am not, and she is taken for real and I'm just left behind. Who the hell wins? Is she now going to beginn a mistrust to anyone who has a depression (yes a real one, not the one "I've been dumped") or a Bipolar disorder, Borderline, Schizophrenia, or any personality disorder or any disorder that's related to this. Should I not be trusted for the things I feel and think because the doctors now can label the simulators too? You do not ever want another person to feel that anxiety or the feeling of depression and the world on your shoulders. Not even your worst enemy. She has not a clue of what she's started...

xo xo
Ciao!

I am an impossible case, trust me on this one.

Today at 9. am in the morning I was at the hospital (yeah we have a little small one here) and went to a nurse (kind of a gynecologist) and did a test about the cells. I don't think I should go much further into that. But there I met an old friend of mine, Annie, such a lovely and wonderful person, after the horror we went through during this procedure we went to sit down and talk about stuff. I truly admire this woman. She has amazing skills in drawing, doing artwork and she is so f'ing funny I don't know what.

I love this by Annie, so all cred to her!

I want to buy new things but I don't know what, I hesitate in buying some stuff. Because I really don't know what I really want. I got this amazing silk dress that I bought from Asos this week, it's lovely and somehow I want more, but I don't know what I want more of. That my friends is a dilemma and frankly I don't know how to solve it. Nothing really speaks to me and no, that's not a new one, this thing comes and goes. I hate it! Make up your mind, you bloody woman!
Here's the dress anyway... Adorable! Maybe some other dresses... You see, I am an impossible case...



xo xo
Ciao!

It wasn't logic, it was love...

I had to buy them, I am in love with them, so there you have my reason. I love it! High heels makes your legs look so amazing. I can't wait until I get the chance to wear them at a party or something. Oh, dear, I really had to buy them, they would have run out of my size if I hadn't. Haha!


The sun is out and I really don't feel any difference than usual, I feel as happy when it rains, as well as when the sun comes out. Really people go around and feel so happy during the summertime and I feel lousy as hell or that's what I used to feel. Not much fun was it? No it wasn't. Now it's a different story, I hope. I really do. But I do love the fact that it's spring, even though it brings thunder in my head.


xo xo
Ciao!

Honey You Know Where The World Is at, Get what you want with your lucky eyes, You turn me on...

I'm in love in this song, I don't know why. Just that I really find it exciting and expressive. I don't care that it's Brittany Murphy singing, accutally she sings pretty good, but Paul Oakenfold is amazing and I get to see him when I see Madonna to, lovely!



xo xo
Ciao!

Faster kills faster, kills pussycat...

I can't belive my eyes when I see what I write about and what I don't even want to write about anymore. A lot of times I've used this blog as a loading central, where I can ventilate all my feelings, everything that bothers me and to be just an emotional slut. Nothing else. I wonder what's really happened to me the last couple of weeks, maybe we can call it months (but for my part that's a little bit too early). I was broken, I still am, but somehow I seem to not be concentrating at those things in particular anymore. I know I've dealt with tons of stuff in here but one thing is for sure, I don't write about it. I will write about it again, but not today.


I wish for real that my tooth would stop aching, it's disturbing, in a way I really don't like. I have to use this discusting thing in my mouth two times a day, so that my tooth is going to be alright, it isn't a sickness, it's my wisdomteeth that grows way to slow for me.
Ohh, I need to go shopping and to buy some new things, but I don't know exactly what right now, we'll see...



xo xo
Ciao!

Fashion, put it all on me, or in the washing machine!

I have to do my laundry today, which means I'll have to do alot of handwashing and I don't like that. Hate this day, but I have to do it. No exhuses, end of discussion. One big problem although, my wardrobe is still full... Ha-ha!


Wish me luck!
I'll update later, I think.

xo xo
Ciao!

Sometimes I feel I'm gonna break down and cry, Nowhere to go nothing to do with my time, I get lonely so lonely living on my own...

This song is for me, liberation, freedom and completeness! It's like this amazing song and this amazing man who will always live forever in our hearts, he's the real champion in my eyes. This song is one he has done on his own, not with Queen. But it's still so fucking good, it's better than the best. I would die to see Freddie in concert. My love for him and Queen are as pure as love can be.

I don't have no time for no monkey business

Living on my Own - Freddie Mercury

xo xo
Ciao!

Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours...

Almost everything I write right now is about fashion and, as I got to thinking. What right do I have to put loads of shit on people for how they dress. I'm not an evil person, nor will I ever be that (I think). But I do have an urge to feel that people always can look their best at all times, I think that is what it's all about. That's why I want people to know their sizes and their measurements and, not to forget to know their color. Everyone can pull of a little black dress, but to dare color is something a lot of people I know is afraid of. I don't think I am that anymore. I love color - but that doesn't mean that I don't love black, cause I do that to. Common use of colors is red, white and sometimes green, but never anything really daring, like orange and a slightly shade of lemon? I love wearing colors - nowadays - and I am determined to get myself a maxidress this summer, that I have done... I'm slightly mad I know. But I want one and I'm short that eqaul making it myself!


I want to be in love, to have butterflies in my stomach and feel these springfeelings again, although I hate it when it happens, it buggs the hell out of me to know that I've never been in love (Yes, for real) I've never totally fallen for someone, I've had crushes but nothing that ever has deepened. I don't know why, am I incappable to fall in love? I thought I had Mr Big, but when I look back now it wasn't that love, he's not the love of my life. Maybe my mistakes in all the men I've dated has always been that I always needed them to substantiate me. The feeling of the substantion that you know comes seeking for you when you meet someone, you want them to like what you wear, that you look beautiful and all that sort of things. I don't want a man to confirm me for that shallow things (who the hell does she think she is, she's always talking about shallow things), I want them to tell me that I'm ok for all the things I am and am not, just that, but of course when a person I know tells me I'm beautiful I take it as a huge compliment and all of you should know I never give a compliment to someone I don't think deserves it.

But damn, do I want those butterflies in my stomach, now!

xo xo
Ciao!

Fashion is made, To become unfashionable!

I'm not a fashionista, never was and never will be. But I do love fashion! I'm not the girl who puts on just anything that's fashionalbe right know. I buy the things I would like to wear and mix and matches them up so they don't get boring. A typical swedish person (sorry to say that) wears black, clumpsy heels and have no carriage at all. If you think running around in the latest trends is something that will make you go sky high on everybodys lips - you're deadly wrong. We need these people who are so out of the leauge that some people acctually have a chance to be in.


I have some recommendations for you, that I follow, I never buy anything thats' been in a paper/magazine (not ELLE that magazine is not included for me nor is Vouge, I love 'em), I don't think you have enough creativity to create your own wardrobe if you're following what one person tells you to wear. Sorry, Sofi, Ebba, Elin, everyone who thinks that they know what fashion is about.


Fashion is a state of mind, I always keep that as my head thought when I get dressed, in matters of speaking you can not never belive that my outfit hasn't been thought through enough - in some cases I just throw on things, like doing laundry - but you never know who you're going to meet and greet, that's a good reason why you always should look fresh. But as I said fashion is a state of mind and for my part also a part of my heart. Nothing else. Fashion for me is like expressing myself. The parts that I want to show and the parts that I want to hide. Know the secrets and you will get far.

Fashion fade, Style is Eternal - Yves Saint Laurent

xo xo
Ciao!

Frankly, my dear, I just don't give a damn!

I'm still sick and it itches and scratches on my body. I'm sure it will pass away in a couple of days but for now I'm feeling as good as dead. It's not so fun... When your head is like a mashed potatoe it isn't the best time to be happy with yourself, cause of my illness I haven't been able to workout, which is fatal to my body right now. I need to loose a few pounds, it's not what you think it is. I won't go into that now, it seems that everytime I talk about stuff like that it gets misunderstood and, that is something I don't want. But I can't wait until I can get out and run I really love it. It unleashes endorphines and is just a wonderful thing to do.


I'm thinking about looking at a movie or do something that will cheer me up, frankly nothing do that to me when I'm sick. I hate that, I'm not feeling bad or anything I just feel down in my body, no strentgh at all, maybe that's the thing, on why I feel down, I do not have the strength to do the things I would usually do. Haha! As simple as that. I'm gonna look at something now, so my mind will be somewhere else.

Hm, Silence of The Lambs? I do love it.

Maybe Pride and Prejudice? My all time favorite!

xo xo
Ciao!

Let's get unconscious honey, Let's get unconscious!

This year must be (for me) one of the best years ever, though not only have I already seen AC/DC and Metallica, I'm going to see Jean Michel Jarre, U2, Madonna, Depeche Mode, Nine Inch Nails and hopefully Coldplay... And there are so many other bands that I'm going to see to. There are though band that I would be dying to see (in their real constallation), like Queen, Pink Floyd and Beatles, Queen are for me, something that are as close to perfection that there can be. If I get chills just through looking at a performance on the computer screen, how would they affect me in real life? I don't even want to go there. But hey, you can't get everything you want. Sadly.



I have to buy some new products, but I don't know what yet, I have a clue and I love ordering some things online, they are cheaper and you can buy more than you could do in a ordinary shop here in Sthlm, that's why I love it. Shoes for example are a perfect example that I love to buy online, cause when I order from an english site I know the size is smaller from some labels and that's good news for me, cause I have really small feet. But I do love carrying around bags when I shop!


xo xo
Ciao!

Who do you think you are?

I'm really don't feel like writing anything for you, but somehow I always have to write in my blog, it's like an obsession and, I can't handle it. About a week ago I stumbled upon some things that reminded me of my childhood, Spice Girls for example, I was so high on them they were the only band that mattered, then. But when I really came around and down to it, it was and is Madonna who is my biggest icon. I think she's always going to be that. Isn't it a bit funny how we idolize people we don't even know and how we drag them in the dirt when they've done something we're not so pleased with. Why is it always like this? I just wonder.






xo xo
Ciao!