Following the footsteps of a ragdolls dance and I'm in trance...

Today is the "fire"- day here in Sweden, Valborgsmässoafton, we lighten up alot of fires to celebrate that the spring is coming and also that the darkness is going it's way. And of course everybody gets drunk and are in one way or another pretty exhausting to be around. I don't even want to celebrate this. Hello, if you're new here, you have to know that I have huge issues with the springtime, cause of the light. But it always sort of comfy to look at a fire, but no one does it anymore. I guess I've outgrown the whole thing about celebrate this, it doesn't give me anything. It's dull and boring the hell out of me. But I love fire, so maybe I'll go and look at one. We'll see.


Now I think I should go and do something that is productivly for me. I've got tons of things to do... But I need to relax myself, I think. It's a nagging feeling in my brain. That hasn't been there for some time now. I just can't help but wonder.


xo xo
Ciao!

Never use your heart, use your head, Nobody's on noboby's side...

I got around to really think today, about my lovelife, my feelings towards others and of course the usual, my ups and downs. I'm very conflicted to them, they are somewhat in the way when I am totally drained of everything or very upwards in a way that any normal, well then who is actually normal, humanbeing has. I've got a conflicted heart regarding a lot of things. I can argue both sides alot of times, but usually my more rationalized side wins, back in my teens all my life was either black or white, nothing else and letting my emotions control everything that went through my head. I would never want to go back to a life like that, yet I stay on both sides in matter when it regards my lovelife. But sometimes you just got to let the thing in your heart decide, and not to argue against it. Who am I fighting for? And why am I even fighting? Why can't I be satisfied with being like this, why am I always thinking that it is worth fighting for something more than it can be? So in matters of speaking, when do you realize that it isn't necessarily always better on the other side?


xo xo
Ciao!

Stop for a while and stare!

I just have to post some other pictures from Kattaca, that I fell in love with. It's just drop dead gorgeous, nothing else. I'm in love how they work, the digital work, how they do the retuch and uses the clothes, I think I might die if I look at anymore things from them. They're in a league of they're own. I've never seen two people do anything like this. Oh, sure I love others as well. But when I compare what other people do to this, they don't do a shit, clothes wise. That's the thing. I truly admire them and their outstanding work of art. Because this is art, nothing else.






xo xo
Ciao!

And I want more, And I need all the love that I can't get to...

I just found the most inspiring site ever, not only for the clothes, but how they work with materials. They are digital artist, stylists, art directors, everything you need. I fell in love with an instant. I couldn't belive my eyes when I saw everything that they've made. And everything in my eyes is excellent, nothing else. Somthing to long for, somthing to make your brain think about all the things it normally wouldn't. At least I got to think about it. I'll upload some photos, you can find lots of more. Kattaca are what they are calling themselfes. I love it! It stretches from romance to graphic. And some of them are even epic. I'll post more later!








xo xo
Ciao!

Water is my eye, Most faithful mirror, Feathers on my breath, Teardrop on the fire of a confession...

Something just struck me, when it does it hits like lightening on a somewhat easy day, so somehow it harder to melt it down. I know that I have my ups and down, and from this morning I've been slowly moving myself towards the downwards spiral thing, not that I can think of any reason why I should want to do such a thing, not to mention that I don't really do it. It just happens, it's like pulling the plug from a watertub and draining it, you know how long it takes and that the water is sometimes everywhere - this takes longer but I know it will pass. That is the key, if you know what I mean?


I'm going out tonight, and I don't have clue what to wear, I would sure like to really know right now. Give me some sort of sign! I think I would like something like this...


xo xo
Ciao!

Glaciers melting in the dead of night, And the superstars sucked into the supermassive, Oooh...You set my soul alight...

You wanna know one thing? I just can't stop from smiling, last day I was with my wonderful friend Frida, it's a blast when you are with her, nothing else. We laugh, talk about none important things, stuff that are important, love, everything. Nothing is tabu. And we laugh even more when we hit some spots that are generally hard to talk about. We have so much fun. I can't think about not having her in my life. I can't help either that I'm currently is rising again, nothing is going down, and I'm just happy that I can do the things I can. Btw, I miss alot of you people!


I will soon be posting my behind the scene photos, so everybody can look at them, I'll post one I found in wonderful and talented Ninas' blog, of almost all of us (more there if you want to see). You can also find pictures in the amazing make-up artist Elvas' blog, and our all time favorite hairstylist Hanse.


xo xo
Ciao!

To the thirsty I shall give water without prize, From the fountain of the water of life...

I'm in some interesting way is very fond of this, it's not about that it's religious, it's about how she talks about it and somehow how she wipes away so much. I love the colours in the video, the message she provocing. All the small details. I really like it.



xo xo
Ciao!

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months...

I've become more aware of it, the more I've thought about it. I don't get bored, when I do styling, I don't get the feeling I can't express myself enough, because the only limitations I have is in my head, nowhere else and that my friends is something very liberating for me. I always have to have new things that I want to do, never stop exploring my time to time damaged brain, haha, no, I don't have a brain in practice that is damaged, but in theory. But I wouldn't be me if it wouldn't be like this. I will always create clothes, I couldn't give up that. Never. I will always create, nothing more nothing less.

And this dress by Galliano for Dior is amazing, look at the drapes!
Although not my all time favorite from him.

I love this photo shoot of Kate Moss, in Oscar De La Renta. Loove it!

xo xo
Ciao!

When the moon is in the seventh house, And jupiter aligns with mars, The peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.

I am not in that state of mind of telling you all about my day, except that it was wonderful and I used a lot of creativity, colors, draped textiles, alot was put into this and I think something wonderful will come out of it. I will tell you more tomorrow and upload som pictures like, behind-the-scenes, they have become something to look at in the anticipating waiting for the real shoots. Well I'm still standing, my feet hurts and my eyes are sore, but I have a smile on my face that nothing can erase. Lots of love to all the people that worked with this today! I'll give you all names later, the bed is waiting for me. In the time I'll treat you with some Steve Miesel shoots, love his work!

When your fantasy gone from wild to outrageous!

xo xo
Ciao!

Will the world remember you when you fall?

I'm having a hunch that I will freak out in some minutes, I've got to make everything complete as I want it. Nothing else. Getting the trunks, I know exactly what I want, but some things is bugging me. I don't know. I know I will have a lot of things tomorrow morning, at 8:30 a.m we begin. And I'm just charging my batteries, you know I need them tomorrow. Wish me luck!


xo xo
Ciao!

She doesn't want to fight against the time, Lately, I'm not the only one...

The thing with me, sometimes, is that I get bored out of hell. I don't know why. I guess it's the fact that I'm restless, never settleing for anything else than I think that I deserve, it's like a punishing thing for me, 'cause you know that when you get bored you accidentally don't perform the best from yourself and you know that you be. But I think it has with the moodswings I'm dealing with, right know I don't feel creative - I do, but not as much as I would like. See my problem? I'm gonna deal with it, I have to - there's no going back for me now. Oh, that might sounded like a death sentence, but it's not. I just don't wanna go back to what I were, never again.


I'm searching through everything that might come up handy on sunday, I have so much, but at the same time nothing, how the hell does that equals up to be something and just not nothing, are you still with me? How does my mind really work? I'll post some pictures that I will work from. Lots of patterns, bright colors, things to caught your eye, fabrics that are exposed different in what light you put them in.






xo xo
Ciao!

Someday you will ache like I ache...

I dont have any time to chitchat with you all today, I had a not so easy start on the day, but seeing Rachel makes anything shiny and now everything is better and yes, my body still aches, do you want to know how much?
So see ya later, and take care!

xo xo
Ciao!

Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be...

My body aches so f'ing much right now, I can not concentrate on things that I should. It has to settle down, but man how much don't I hate this pain? It's like stabbing in my legs and hammering in my back, my shoulders shall we not even begin to talk about, right now I wish I had morphine in my muscles and veins and not this ache. Make it all go away, it's slowly killing my body. But otherwise I'm fine.


xo xo
Ciao!

Carousel, and you remember it well.

My all time favorite site of fashion besides Elle where I find everything I need to know about the upcoming and the ones that are falling, maybe just for that season, but everybody does bad collections now and then. Anyhow, Fashionista is the funniest blog about clothes and gossip about the fashion-world. Nowhere else can you find funny, dramatic, loving, touching, and somewhat exccentric things, and somedays very controversial photosessions pops up and you really can't take your eyes from it, you just know that this is something you will remember for a long time. I like longlasting experiences, not the ones I forget about after a minute since seeing them, but hey that's me. You might love the things that are trivial and don't let you think about for some more seconds then the ones you looked at it. I love it when it sticks to my brain, makes me wonder and want to just explore the mind of the person creating that thingy that now is ravaging my brain.




xo xo
Ciao!

She's been everybody else's girl, Maybe one day she'll be her own, Everybody else's girl, Maybe one day she'll be her own...

In times of need, we reach out and grab the first thing that comes our way. Not always good things, but things in a point of view that help us get by when we're in need of that in particular. I need someone that is willing to let me fall and is not going to be afraid of it. I don't know why I'm even thinking about stuff like this, but somehow I do it right now, I think I need to ventilate my thoughts somewhere were I just can write about it, but not talk about. I do not want to talk about this. What I need is to go shopping, or make myself a new dress. Lovely!


I'm listening to soothing music in my ears, just instrumental, nothing else, very melodic and yes a little bit, hm, what should you say, low-key? But I love it. I found this picture and fell in love it. Setting fire to one of the worlds greatest instruments.


xo xo
Ciao!

Follow your heart, Your intuition, It will lead you in the right direction, Let go of your mind, Your intuition, Is easy to find...

I'm dying to have a Strawberry Daiquiri, and some carrot cake. I have the second thing home, but the drink, give me! I'm dying to have it. Maybe a Cosmopolitan should suite me fine now too. Hm, what will I do? I am not going to have any alcholic drinks until I can be stable. This brings up some problems.




I had my mother picking out fabrics for the photoshoot for saturday, so now we're of to goo. I also have to plan everthing that I want to have in the pictures. Let's see. I'm not giving you anything yet, but I will afterwards.


xo xo
Ciao!

Maybe it's not so easy, Maybe it's a way to long, Say, say you'll be by me, When the evidence comes along...

Today is like any other sunday, no, not really, my cousins is coming over and I need to bake an apple pie, yummie! I love baking! Someday I will become a very successful housewife, unless any unfortunate thing happens before that. Ha! I had a vision when I was 18 that I was going to live the perfect life and then kill myself when I had a family, quite terrible to think so highly of yourself. Yeez! I can't help but laugh at the things I wrote then, so melodramatic, so full of things that you cannot really write today and get away with, and to not be called a lunatic. Welcome to my little bit of wonderland, it's quite pleasant to be here if I may say so.


So a really good apple pie is what I'm going to do now. Loove it!


I also have to do some other things, like picking out fabrics, and I have a lot of things in my mind. And look at som patterns! I am truly enjoying this new found spirit!



xo xo
Ciao!

Is the greatest thing love?

The greatest thing you'll ever learn, Is just to love and be loved in return...

- David Bowie, Nature Boy

But the film is a saddening bore, 'Cause she's lived it ten times or more, She could spit in the eyes of fools...

I had a sudden flashback earlier this day, it was sudden death for me, you know when it comes down to just one thing, and it's sudden death. Nothing serious I have to admit, but none the less scary. Why am I having these flashbacks - that is really annoying. But I just have them, then letting them go.


Yesterday I saw a lot of movies I've wanted to see for a long time. So now I got around to do it. It was choosing from different things all night, I think I didn't fell asleep before 3 a.m. Never mind. Remember the Titans, was acctually a quite wonderful movie and it touched me, Million Dollar Baby also touched me (although I didn't see the whole, but I have it)...


Tonight I'm going to meed my darling cookie and meet up and chat about tons of stuff. Loovely!


xo xo
Ciao!

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me...

In about one week I'm going to do a photosession, which by all means that I'm diving into all my creativity this week, I'm going to do all kinds of things and it has to be in a specific way, I know in my heart that I can do this, but I keep second guess myself and my high standards over myself keep pushing me upwards, cause you can always do better. And I'm aiming for flawless. Really flawless - nothing else. Someday I will get there.


I have to collect a package and I have to buy some lemonade. Loove it! Sweet yet sour, can you be something else then in love with it? Spring is for all this things.


xo xo
Ciao!

Put me up on a pedestal, Or drag me down in the dirt, Sticks and stones will break my bones, But your names will never hurt...

I'm on the way of for real this time to come to senses with my life - belive it or not. I will always be me, never anyone else. I don't have to hide who I was or who I'm becoming. Cause ya now, I'm not really becoming a serial killer. I live in the practical wonderland and nothing that you say will ever break my bones.



I found this wonderful commercial, I guess I'm late, but I love how they mix things up, cute things in a schizo way. I'm mad I know, but you have to see this, I died a little and went to heaven! I just adore it!



xo xo
Ciao!

I still believe in summer days, The seasons always change and life will find a way...

I don't have anything I would like to share with anyone today, I'm perfectly fine, with everything that happens around me. I'm calm, maybe a little bit to calm? Can you be that? I am really enjoying life and what it brings. Something's happened. I'm gonna give you a nice picture to watch and then go back to maybe read a book?


xo xo
Ciao!

While your lips are still red...

I don't get the weather, suddenly it's grey outside again, yeah it's spring. I don't like it. Really, I don't. I love on the other hand that it is warmer outside, but the light! Oh my... Anyway, I'm not going to complain, there's absolutly nothing I can do about the wheater, but I can do something about my mind and how I feel about this. I will get there, 'cause I've got to. I'm feeling caught in a bubble, it will vanish later this day...


Now I will search through my closet for some clothes I want to have and what I need.
We'll see how that turns out...

xo xo
Ciao!

Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned, I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am, Who I am?

I've slept for about twelve hours tonight, well worth it, if I say so. I'm not so tired right now, at least that I know about. Listening to Supertramp, taking things as it is and longing for a lot of my friends. Summer is on the way and everything is fine. I can't belive I'm accutally saying this, but everything that's used to bother me, is gone. I can't put it in words, they are unnecessary - I don't have the feeling of needing it.


I'm thinking of doing some new dresses and find some clothes combinations that I must use and wear. We'll see what happens.

I need a maxi dress, this is from Guccis Resort Colletion, I loove it! But I'm making my own.

This dress, is something I already have, but now I'm going to wear it in other ways...

xo xo
Ciao!

Sleep, and everything will turn into normal again...

I can't write anything right now, my eyes are swollen of being up for soon to be 36 hours, I need sleep and I'm getting it tonight. I'm really dysfunctional without my sleep... It's been one hell of a weekend, I will update tomorrow, now my bed calls for me... Sweet bliss! I've had all the moods in the range of everything today, but mostly very upwards.


xo xo
Ciao!

When you gonna make up your mind, When you gonna love you as much as I do?

There are people in your life that you know, will always be there, one way or another. I have that kind of fortune that I have amazing people in my life, they're somewhat special in their own different way and that makes everything for me more exciting and also a challenge. You know that people come and go in your life, but I truly belive that all the people that has touched our hearts in one way or the other is something to keep you holding on to all the precious memories you have with them, maybe they've only been in your life a short while, maybe a long time - but time doesn't matter here, what matters is that it is a matter of fact that they are there in the bad times, in the good time, when you just want to talk garbage or in my specific way are like a rabbit on speed. And you do exactly the same thing for them, because they matter. Nothing can take that away from you. I just want to thank everyone that has been in my life, lightened it, appreciated each other, made sure that we've always we're there. There's no matter for me to argue, I will always love you. Never think that I have spoken those words and haven't meant them. Because I do not say I love you, easily. Only when I feel it is a time to say it.
You will forever live in my heart - whatever will happen.


Remember that, and that you are a uniqe, special and loving person...

xo xo
Ciao!